Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Amelia went into the kitchen to find a knife. She was anxious to see what was inside the box. She deftly cut each length of tape. The tape was different than the tape they used at home and she wondered if Jack had to purchase it somewhere. It was the kind with strings inside of it for added strength and it took her a few seconds to get through it all. Amelia finished and took a deep breath and opened the box.

She smiled when she saw numerous items, wrapped up in brown paper wrapping. Jack sometimes did this with her Christmas gifts, having her open one item at a time before the big reveal at the end. It was endearing and made those gifts special. She couldn't imagine she would feel this way about whatever he had to say. A letter addressed to her sat on top with the number one on it.

She picked the letter up and hurriedly opened it, unfolded it carefully and saw Jack's scratchy, angular, masculine writing. She carried the box and the letter to the couch and sat down and pulled the blanket over herself. Then with a quick prayer she started to read.

My dearest Amelia,
I know what you have seen and I know what you must think of me right now. I don't blame you for that and I apologize for any hurt that I might have caused you. The fact is that I have been a liar and unfaithful to you and our marriage. Not in a physical way ever. I have never been unfaithful to you physically or emotionally. I love you with all of my heart and can't imagine my life without you. Some things have happened that have forced me to come to terms with some past decisions that I have made that I know that you will be shocked by. Frankly, I hope you do not think less of me for them. But I am getting ahead of myself.


I have talked with Meredith briefly and she thought writing to you might be the best way to explain. I hope I will not hurt you more but I guess I have lost any control I might have had in easing this blow when you saw Samantha and I together that day. It seems a long time ago now though it has only been a few days. There are reasons for what you saw and reasons that I didn't tell you the truth right away but none of those reasons seem to be good enough now. I should not have kept these things from you. I should have been truthful and up front with you about it all. This is my time, I guess, to come clean about it all.


Let me start at the beginning, when I was ten years old I saw Samantha for the first time. It was love at first sight. For years I said nothing to her because I was way too shy to even speak to her but as time went on we became friends. She didn't like me in any sort of romantic way but I was in awe of her. We had a lot of classes together and she ran with the popular crowd. Everyone in school had a crush on her. She had beauty that attracted everyone to her and some of them she would date. It was widely circulated even in junior high that she had a reputation with the boys but I knew that she had never been with anyone. After we became friends we would sit up late talking and I found out that she was really nice underneath it all and I fell even further in love.


Years passed and high school came. We stayed friends though she rarely talked to me at school. We'd sometimes meet at a look out up the road from her house. You could watch the sunset from up there. She lived with her dad and didn't like her step-mom at all so she spent a lot of time away from home. My mom was always at work and Carrie didn't make a fuss when I would leave. Something happened the year she turned seventeen and she went to live with a foster family in another part of the city. We became sort of an item around that time. I went to see her, doing whatever I could to help her. It was around that time that she lived with us for a short time. Carrie let her borrow her prom dress and we went to the dance together. I was in heaven. I told her I loved her and had always loved her. She didn't like it when I talked to her about love and would always change the subject.


She went to college the next year and she called Carrie on the phone pretty often to check in. She started dating a guy who was in the military and I didn't hear about her for a few years.


Then one night eight years ago I ran into her when I was home on a break my last semester of college. I was on top of the world, looking at all sorts of good prospects for work and when I saw her I knew it was now or never. We had danced around it for so long and now there she was at the perfect time. She had recently broken up with her on and off again military boyfriend. They'd been engaged when he left for another tour but he cheated on her over there with a female colleague and she told me that she was done with him. She was different, older, more beautiful even than before and I was mad for her. The first night we were back together she kissed me. I was over the moon. It was my chance to be with her and I was going to take it.


I came back home for the summer. I had an internship in my hometown and things were great. Samantha was my girlfriend and then in just a few days, she was my fiancee. Carrie warned me that I was moving too fast but I didn't care. I was young and in love and I wanted her in my life forever. One day I took her into the city to do some shopping and she brought up marriage. She told me that she didn't want to wait. She suggested a trip to Vegas to tie the knot. I couldn't believe she wanted to get married right away but I jumped at the chance. We booked a flight to Vegas and got married that night. I was happier than I can say. I was also blind.


We were together for five days. The first few days were wonderful days for me. We spent all day together and at first I couldn't believe how happy I was. I couldn't believe that such a beautiful woman was my wife. But as the days went on Samantha grew increasingly moody and distant. She tried to smile but I could tell she wasn't happy. She would lash out in little angry outbursts and then lock herself in the bathroom with her phone. I would hear her talking to someone and she would yell at me to go away. I was confused by her behavior and bought her all sorts of presents and other things to help her be happy again. I was naïve and it showed.


The evening of the fifth day I walked out of the bedroom to find a note taped to the front door. All of Samantha's things were gone and the note was short.


Jack -


Rick is back and I'm going back to him. You always loved me more than I deserve. Please forgive me.


Samantha

Amelia set down the letter with tears in her eyes. She had no idea about any of this but her heart went out to Jack. She knew she should be mad that he had not told her of the marriage but she understood in a way. It would be humiliating to be left like that. She wanted Jack with her now as she read it and felt the weight of what her leaving so suddenly might have done to him. She picked up the letter and read on.

My heart was broken and I didn't talk to anyone about it. I went to a lawyer and found a way to annul our marriage. I was lucky that we had been married in Nevada where divorce and annulment laws are quick and I could prove we had not lived together after we married. It was pretty easy to get the marriage annulled but it took longer for my heart to heal. I didn't even tell Carrie about it. I just tried to move on. I went home and packed up my stuff and got the job in Florida. I had no idea where Samantha went and didn't want to find her. I looked at the whole experience as a huge and painful mistake and moved past it. I had a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of pain associated with her leaving. I tried calling her a few times but got Rick on the phone instead telling me to leave her alone. She called back a short while later and apologized again but told me to move on. That is just what I tried to do.

I didn't date much for a year and focused on building my career. Time passed quickly and I felt like I was finally ready to date again. I dated a few girls but mostly when they asked me out. It was that summer that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was a dark time for me in those months before she died. Carrie had moved to Florida after she died and heard about the Center in New York. She was insistent that we go to their workshop for our summer vacation that year. She had heard of the program from a friend and thought that it would be good for both of us to go that summer to relax and heal together. I didn't want to go at first but she offered to pay my way and there was no way to say no. You'll never know how glad I was that I that I joined her at Camp Camilla. If I hadn't I would never have met you.

Look in the box for #1. I think you'll remember it well.

Amelia reached into the box for package number one and pulled off the wrapping. The object that fell into her hand made her smile and she remembered the first time she saw Jack. It was funny now that she thought about it. The shiny object sparkled in her hand and she laughed at her memory of their first meeting. It was the broach Jack had found in the lake when he was swimming dropped by some ancient guest or another. The lake was a bit murky and it was easy to see how something so small could be lost.

It was the summer after college and she was home to study for her nursing exam before getting a job. Meredith wanted her to spend some time with her before she got a job and she was happy to take some time with her. She knew it would be a long time before she would be able to take time off once she started working. She worked at the Center in the summertime helping the nursing staff take care of the all the guests. Jack was her first visitor to the clinic that year. She pulled out the letter marked #2 and continued reading.

You'll remember the day I brought this too you from the lake. I know I came to you for a tetanus shot but I had really come because I thought you were lovely. I saw you my first day there at the lake with Meredith and I asked many of the workers what your name was. Carrie encouraged me to find you and I finally had the excuse I needed when I “found” that old broach with my foot in the water.

The truth is that I thought you were lovely and the first time I saw you smile I knew that you were a sincere person. I learned my lesson from my time with Samantha and took things slow. I waited at least a day to kiss you. Do you remember our first kiss under the bridge in the canoe? I think my heart cemented to you right in that moment. There was something about that summer that made every bad thing that had happened with Samantha melt away. I was finally free. Perhaps it is better to be cautious about all of that. I never had to worry about that with you. You guarded your heart well and I could love you with all that I had. It was different than my former relationships because it was real for us both.

I remember all those nights that we walked together that summer. The days were filled with thoughts of my mother and I respected what Meredith taught us about healing but real healing came for me when I met you and could love you with my whole heart again. I had never found a friend like you, been able to talk with you and enjoy your different moods. You were a lovely mystery to unravel.

By the end of our time at the camp I was ready to propose marriage but I knew that you needed more time. So I waited until you came to visit me in Florida on your many job interviews. When you said you needed time to think about it I knew that you were going to say yes. I knew that you needed time. I knew you well and still do. I'm sorry that this is where we are. I want so much to be with you as I am telling you this but I think Meredith is right. You need time to process this and I will give you time.

There is more that I need to say but let that wait until after my next package.

Amelia reached into the box for #2 and pulled the paper off. It was the picture she had imagined in her mind for those days. A picture of the two of them on their wedding day. It was Jack's favorite though she was not sure why. Her expression was silly but they were happy holding each other under the trees.

I love this picture not just because of the day it represents but of the expression that you had on your face that day. I'd never seen you so happy and sparkling. Your eyes fairly dance off the shot and you were luminous. I remember that day and night often especially through all of our hard nights the last few years. Our time together in those first few days of marriage made everything that happened before a mere memory. I forgave Samantha on that day because I knew then what love really was. I had tried everything to make her love me but I also realized that what I felt wasn't real love either.

The kind of love I see every time I see this picture in more deep and enduring than anything I felt for Samantha. It isn't just falling in love. Love like ours is so much more than that and I hope that when I am done telling you all that I have to say that you will still think that I am worthy of yours. No matter what happens I will always love you.

Look at #3

She opened the package marked #3 and saw a Bible. It was marked with Jack's markings. It was the Bible they read together. Her heart hurt a little when she thought of the deception and wondered what was coming next. All of what had come before could be ruined by what came next. She set the Bible down and picked up the third letter.

Shortly after we got married I started reading the Bible again like I had when I was teenager. Back then I felt that I had a good relationship with God and that he was helping me. When I went off to school I lost my way. I still believed but didn't pray, didn't read, didn't look for guidance. I was lost. After we were married I started a relationship with God again. I prayed about us and took you to church. I felt good again and helped by a higher power. It felt good. It took me a few years to build my relationship with God again. He'd never left me but I had left him and it took some time for me to feel worthy of his love and yours.

When our problems with conception started, I saw it as a consequence of my unworthiness. I knew that God gave children to many and the fact that we were having this issue was sad to me. It might seem strange but I took it personally. I saw it as a punishment from God that we could not conceive. After a while I started to feel the guilt of my prior relationship and not disclosing it to you. I knew that I had not done wrong in loving Samantha and that her deception was not my fault but I felt that I should tell you about her. It was around Christmas time that I finally resolved to tell you. Right during that time we found out you were pregnant and I saw it as a sign that I was forgiven. My logic is not sound but I didn't tell you at that time either.

Open #4

The wrapping on box #4 was Christmas wrap and Amelia uncovered a box of her favorite chocolate. She didn't like to indulge in sweets often but Jack always bought her all her favorites for Christmas.

She reached for her favorite chocolate of the bunch and chewed it thoroughly then reached for Letter #4 and opened it to read.

This is where I have more to tell you about Samantha. I hope the chocolates ease the blow just a little bit. I hope that you will understand my reasons even if they seem hard. I really wanted to explain it all at the time. I could never find the right way until now. I'm sorry that this is the way you are finding out.

About six months ago I got a call from Carrie. She asked if we could meet for lunch. When I got to the restaurant she had her laptop open and showed me her Facebook. She had reconnected with Samantha on Facebook and Samantha told her that she needed to get in touch with me. I was hesitant at first. I didn't want to see her. We were finally happy and I didn't want anything to ruin that. She told me it was important.

I agreed to meet her but only if Carrie were there. Carrie told me that I should talk to you about it first but I insisted that we not. I had nothing to say to Samantha but was still curious about what her life had been like since she left me. I guess in some ways I wanted to prove that I had won. It seems a bit silly now but broken relationships sometimes bring out the worst in us all. Don't be mad at Carrie. She wanted me to talk with you.

We met Samantha at the restaurant and right before we saw Samantha I surprised Carrie with the fact that we had been married for a short time. I've never seen Carrie so surprised. She was hurt that I didn't tell her sooner and I explained some of the circumstances. She seemed to understand after that.

When Samantha came she cut to the chase really fast. She said that she wasn't there to reminisce but that she needed something from me. She informed me that it was possible that I had child and that she needed my DNA to test me. She wouldn't say more than that. Carrie was speechless and I was shocked. All I could do was swab my cheek and give it back to her. Samantha asked for my phone number so that she could call me with the results. She left without eating with us and Carrie and I talked about whether or not to tell you.

It was just days after we found out you were pregnant and I was worried that the shock of this news would do something to hurt your chances of keeping the pregnancy so I decided to tell you after I got the test results back. I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily. We had enough to worry about with our own child. The idea that I was already a father hadn't sunk in at all. I thought there was very little chance that I was the father because we were together such a short time. I was more worried about you and the situation we faced in your pregnancy.

Two months went by and everything was looking good. After three months I thought for certain that we were in the clear. The morning of the 14^th came around and I got a call from Samantha. She told me that she had them send a copy of the test results in the mail and that it should arrive soon. There had been a back-up at the lab she used and she apologized for the long wait. I asked her if I was the father and she said that she didn't know either. They were sending them to us both. We arranged a time to talk. She apologized again and hung up.

I don't need to tell you how devastating it was when our baby died that next morning. I know they say that it happens often but sitting in that ultrasound room with you when they couldn't find the heartbeat shook me to my core. I watched you go through that process and felt so powerless to help you. You were so brave and strong. After all the time of wishing and praying for the baby and the excitement of those fourteen weeks and then there was no heart beat. It hurt too much to talk about. That afternoon when I went home after your surgery to get your things, I found the letter in the mail with the DNA results. I was the father of Samantha's baby.

I'd like to say that I wanted to run to you with the news but I was so confused as to what to do. There you were still hurting in the hospital and I am talking with my ex-wife about a baby, a little girl that she had never bothered to tell me about. It took me a few weeks to know how to proceed. I was so angry. I was angry that she had never told me I could be a father. I was angry with myself for not telling you sooner about Samantha. I was angry that our baby was gone and my old fear that God had not forgiven me for keeping the truth from you returned with a vengeance. You were so distant there was no way I wanted to approach you with the knowledge I had. I couldn't see you forgiving me for that. I couldn't see talking to you about it at the time. It was all so new and hard for me that I could not see my way through.

Then about a month ago things started to improve between us. You seemed to be moving out of your grief and we started reconnecting again and talking about more children. Things were so delicate that I couldn't say anything. I was a coward and I am truly sorry for that.

Open #5

Amelia pulled out the fifth item which was in an envelope. It was a heart shaped paper made out of construction paper. A child had written on it and Amelia realized that it was Jack's daughter who had made it for him. Amelia unfolded it with a lump in her throat. On it the child had written, To my dad, love Kate.

Amelia stared at it for a few moments and thought of Kate. The little girl did not know her father. Just as she had never known her own. Her heart went out to her.

She picked up the last letter and read on.

This heart is from my daughter, Katherine Elise or Kate as her mom has always called her. She was born on May 19^th. She named her after two characters she'd always loved on a some TV shows that she liked when she was younger. She is now seven. Samantha never really explained who her father was. According to Kate, Sam would always have a new story about who her father was and where he was living. She'd make up pretty wild tales from the sounds of it. He was a pirate, he was a mountaineer or a gamekeeper in Africa. The truth was that Samantha always believed that Rick was Kate's father and she didn't want him on the birth certificate or anywhere near them. He had left her when she told him she was pregnant with a girl. He was apparently only interested in being a parent to a boy. She didn't want to return home to her family. Her father was always mean and her stepmom was still in the picture. So she found a friend who she had gone to church with as a girl and moved in with her. She started attending church on a regular basis and had lots of help when Kate came into the world. They still go to the church now though they are living on their own. They have friends there and seem happy.

It took me a few weeks to know what I wanted to do. I know how awful that sounds. I wanted for it not to be happening. With all that has been going on it seemed almost cruel to have to tell you any of it. Then I received the heart card from Kate in the mail along with a short note from Samantha asking if it would be all right for them to visit us some time. I thought about Kate and realized that I wanted to be there for her. I wanted her to know what it was to have a father in her life. We all missed out on having good fathers in our lives and I knew that I had to try to be there for her if I could. I realized that it didn't matter if it was fair or not. It didn't matter what I thought of Sam or anything else. It matters that Kate knows that she has a father and that her father loves her, without any condition. My heart changed toward her and I saw her like a parent sees a child. Kate needs a dad and I felt ready to be the best one I could manage.

Samantha and Kate arrived in town on Sunday night and planned to stay for a week. I thought it would be wise to meet Kate on my own first before I introduced you to her. I was concerned for her that she might not understand who I was. My plan was to meet them at the hotel that day and talk to you that night then invite them over to the house when you were ready, if you were still speaking to me by then. Carrie told me to tell you so many times and threatened my life more than once. She didn't think it was fair to you to keep you in the dark and surprise you but I was worried about us and was cowardly as well.

I know that you must have been shocked by our greeting but it had been a long time since we'd seen each other on friendly terms. Samantha has been having some health issues along with all of this and she told me that she was waiting on some test results. I was concerned for her and hugged her to let her know she'd be all right. She's been my friend a long time and even though she hurt me a great deal when she left I still have that underlying love for her. I want you to know once again that I have no romantic feelings toward her anymore and would never cheat on you. I will apologize for the way I have treated you for the rest of my life if that is what it takes.

I want to talk to you in person now when you are ready. Please take time to think and pray before you come to me. I want to see you and be with you. You are the only woman I want to be with. When you come to me we can talk about it all. But now you know what happened that day and you know how I feel. I can't help but wonder what you are thinking right now.

Loving you is the best part of my life. Please let that mean something as you make your decision.

All my love,

Jack

P.S. Open #6

Amelia let out the breath she was holding and sat thinking and re-reading the last letter. She didn't know what to think or feel about it all, she only wanted to talk to Jack. Her emotions were all over the place. There was anger and hurt and jealousy on the one hand and yet they were far more overpowered by her love and respect for Jack. She loved the man with her whole heart and he loved her back. He had been put in an impossible position and waited to hear what she would say to him.

She pulled out #6 and opened it. Underneath was a scrapbook filled with pictures. Samantha was a skilled scrapbooker and with tears in her eyes Amelia slowly studied the pages of little Kate's life. She was the most beautiful little girl, with Jack's eyes and Samantha's smile. Her hair was also like Jack's, dark and wispy forming tiny curls around her head when she was small and long and straight as she grew up. The most recent page was a picture of Jack with Kate. His arm was around her shoulder and they were smiling for the camera. Amelia's heart ached a little as she stared at their faces. The man that she loved with her whole heart and his little daughter. She knew in that moment what she wanted to do. Under the photo was another envelope entitled, When you are ready, find me.

Amelia was startled by a knock at the door. Meredith popped her head in the door. “You ready for dinner, dear?” When Meredith saw Amelia's face she came in close to hug her. “Oh, honey. Oh, sweetheart.” she exclaimed and Amelia threw her arms out to Meredith and she nestled her in her arms.

“Do you know it all then,” Meredith asked directly. Amelia nodded, “I think so, yes.”

“Are you ready to talk with him?” she asked quietly. Amelia nodded again, “I wish he was here right now. I'd go right to him.”

Meredith smiled, “That's what I wanted to hear. Come along.”

Amelia followed Meredith to the door and she lead her out to a waiting cart with covered dinner trays on it.

“I know how much you love the island and know you've been anxious to get out there so do you think we could eat our meal out there tonight? We could have a picnic and watch the sun go down.” Meredith said happily.

Amelia was confused and a little annoyed. “I want to talk to Jack.”

“Of course, dear. You can talk with him. But I've prepared this special meal and I want to share it with you.” Meredith said forcefully.

“I don't think I'd be very good company tonight. I need to talk to Jack.” Amelia came back.

Meredith used her most demanding expression, “Not until you come out with me. I know where he is and I will not allow it until you've eaten a proper meal.”

Amelia stared at Meredith like she had lost her mind but resigned herself to her fate. “Okay, if it means that much to you.”

Meredith's eyes sparkled, “It does. I think you will really enjoy what I've prepared.”

Amelia helped Meredith secure the food in the boat and they set off across the water.

Amelia was preoccupied with her thoughts and was silent across the water. Meredith chatted loudly about her baby bok choy and curried nut salad. After a few minutes she enjoyed the ride and knowing that she was going to the island was a treat. She only wanted to talk to Jack first. Then she would enjoy herself. She had to talk to him soon. They docked the boat and Amelia helped Meredith carry the trays of food to a small table on the west facing deck.

A movement from the house caught her attention and she gasped when she saw a tall figure moving toward her through the open glass door.

Meredith smiled over at her. “Enjoy!” and she retreated down the path to the boat. Amelia watched in astonishment as the man walked out the door and stood to meet her face to face.

Jack smiled at her tentatively and moved closer to her.

Amelia couldn't help her reaction to seeing his face. Tears sprang into her eyes as she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Jack! Jack!”

He caught her up and held her to him and they were silent for a long time.

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

They ate lunch and chatted excitedly about the possibilities of the contents of the trunk lid. Meredith didn't know where the key might be. She knew there were some older keys in the master lock box but it didn't seem wise for Camilla to leave such a key where someone else might find it easily. Meredith worried that they wouldn't be able to find the key. It was then that Amelia remembered something from long ago.

“I know where it is!” she exclaimed. She abandoned her lunch and hurried toward her old room in the lodge. Meredith followed her quickly, confused by her actions but she was too curious not to follow. When Amelia came to the door of her old room she waited for Meredith to unlock it. The room had been converted to an office but the floors were still original. Amelia looked around for a moment, trying to picture the old layout and suddenly she saw what she was searching for. Amelia moved the desk over and tried to pull up a floor board. Meredith looked flummoxed that she was tearing apart her floor. She cried out in protest as Amelia laughed, “It's in here! Will you help me?”

Meredith shrugged and got down on her knees to help.

“I hope it's still here! It was in Camilla's things after she died. You told me I could have it because I thought it was so cool! It was brass with the filigree handle just like the design in the top of the trunk. I didn't see it before because Camilla always kept that lace shawl on the top of the trunk. Why didn't I see that before? I loved the design, remember? I tried every lock in the camp and could never find it's lock. It must be it.” Amelia exclaimed. She couldn't fit her fingers in the space between the two floorboards anymore now that they had been refinished. “I need something thin and flat to get in there.”

Meredith grinned at her as she jumped up to dig a letter opener from the desk. Finding it in the top drawer she handed it to Amelia with a smile. Amelia jimmied the letter opener into the thin space and pried up the floorboard. Amelia squealed with delight, a sound that she had never remembered making in all of her years on earth. “It is there!” Meredith exclaimed.

“C'mon! Let's see if it fits!” Amelia said, pulling Meredith's hand and leading her to the boathouse. Meredith followed willingly and in a few moments they were in front of the trunk. They helped each other lift the lid of the old trunk again. Amelia pried back the clever lining and inserted the key. It fit the lock perfectly. She glanced at Meredith to grin and turned the lock. Meredith gasped in surprise as they saw the contents. There were six compartments in the curved top of the trunk. Four rectangular drawers ran down the center of the trunk each with a shiny brass pull. There were two matching open compartments on either side of the drawers. One side was filled solidly with black leather volumes inlaid with numbers. The other side held a wooden box that fitted in the space exactly. Meredith pulled the larger box free and opened it. The contents glittered in the sunlit room. The look of pleasure on her face was infectious. Amelia smiled back at her.

“It's my mother's wedding band and engagement ring! And her diamond necklace and pearls! I haven't seen them since she died! I thought they were lost. Camilla told me she was keeping them for me but I could never find them! I hoped they would be here.” Tears were in her eyes as she clasped the trinkets around her neck one by one and displayed them for Amelia. “Thank you, Milla.” she whispered tenderly toward the sky.

Amelia smiled and pulled out the first of the middle boxes. While Meredith looked through the second one. The boxes were long and shallow and only contained a few items. There was another ring with a small diamond in it and a box. There were a few envelopes addressed to Milla. The box was engraved with an insignia. There were two other boxes of similar shape and size as well. They moved on through the other three larger boxes. They contained more common things. A lock of hair inside a glass heart. Little pearls in a tie string bag that had fallen off their string. The bottom box was empty and they carefully replaced the items in there resting places.

Meredith paused as she took up the first book. There was an almost reverent atmosphere as they pulled the first book marked 1940. Meredith smiled as she opened the cover. She moved to sit on the sofa and Amelia sidled up to her to get a closer look as well. “It's Milla's handwriting. This must be her journal.”

Amelia grinned, “Oh this is exciting! I wonder what she has to say! Read it out loud.”





The Diary of Camilla Anne Morgan Clay

September 25^th, 1940

Dear future readers of this record of my life,


It might be presumptuous to believe that anyone would be interested in the musings of a 20-year-old girl such as myself but my mother always taught me that diaries had nothing to do with posterity. She always said she wrote to understand herself better. I have attempted writing before but those writings seem silly to me now. So I start this new record on my 20^th birthday with a renewed conviction to record my life. My hope is that there will be interest in the goings on of my time and particularly about me. I think more about my future than any girl I know and I want to remember myself as I was when I am old and gray.


Today is my birthday and the best thing about my life at this moment is my Charlie. Charlie fills my days and will soon fill my nights as well. He asked me to marry him again today after the birthday cake Mother made for me. I finally have his ring as well and told him yes as we sat on the porch swing on my parent's front porch. Charlie finally asked Father for my hand. His work at the power plant has not gone unnoticed by my father and he has finally consented to our marriage in two years time.


My father is a difficult man to please and wants only the best for me but he doesn't seem to realize that Charlie is my future. Mother tries to smooth it over. She loves Charlie, too, I think almost as much as I do. But I can tell Father might never approve of him. Two years seems a long time for a woman in love but I can bear it if Charlie can. He speaks of our future like it is already here. Like it is happening now. I like to think it will happen, that I can be with him as his wife and have his children. But for now I will be happy in knowing that someday will come and I can be with him again and never have to leave him.


Other than Charlie, my life is dull. I work every day at the bank in town. My father works at the sawmill and takes me there every morning and brings me home every night. Charlie can't come by every day but sometimes on his lunch break he will come and stand where I can see him in the front window and smile his Charlie smile. That's the smile I like best.


I don't have to tell you that things in the world are tense. I'm so glad to be far from the war in Europe but worry that our men will be called up to fight. I can't imagine a time like that. Full of death and destruction. I've read about our boys in the first world war and can't imagine our boys dying like that. I hope we stay far away from it all.


Right now our favorite times together are dances every Friday night and socials every Saturday. Charlie and his mother sit in front of us at church and he always turns around to smile at us when he thinks Father isn't looking. Father is always looking and scolds me to be more ladylike and not respond to such advances. Mother smiles at Charlie as much as I do and Father looks on disapprovingly. Father is a dear but I wish he would let Charlie smile. Everyone should see it, for it is the dearest smile in the world. He is smiling whenever I think about him.


It is a good day and although many would think I'm silly to say it. I am in love with Charlie Clay and someday I will be Camilla Anne Clay and my father can't do anything to stop me.


Also someday I'm going to fly an airplane and swim in the Nile. You just see if I don't.


Signed your illustrious owner,


Camilla Anne Morgan

Meredith's eyes were wide and she and Amelia laughed at the sweet story. Meredith paused only momentarily before continuing on to the next entry.

April 27, 1941

I love Charlie, that hasn't changed. But I do miss him something awful. His letters September 30, 1941

I meant to write so many times before this. I've been so busy with things and don't take the time to sit Charlie came home tonight after a long stay in Washington. He found a little town there close to his latest work site. He wants to move there after we are married to work. My father wants us to push back the date one more year until Charlie saves enough. I don't want to wait and told him so. He sent me to my room! Can you imagine? A woman of 21 being sent to her room without supper?

We sat on the porch for a long time tonight and he held my hand and talked of times to come. He asked me if I would take a walk with him. It is hot out and I guess I must have walked a little too long with him in the moonlight because I could not cool down all night, thinking of those moments with him. He kissed me for the first time tonight. We walked down to the lake and stood on the dock for a time. He held my face real close and kissed me with a little peck on my mouth. His mouth was so warm and nice. It was the first time for us both and it surprised me how much I wanted to do it again and again. Momma wouldn't like that I kissed him and my father would kill me if he knew but I really think kissing is fun. I kissed him twice more on our walk home. I think I surprised him but they were just little ones and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face if I tried.

I wanted to stay with him tonight more than I ever have before. He leaves again tomorrow and I can hope for a time when we can be together again and I won't have to leave him any more.

The journal chronicled the whole of 1940 and 1941. The next entry that had them both riveted was in the one just preceding December 7^th 1941. It read,


(To be added later...)

After a long night of reading Milla's journals, Amelia sat in front of a roaring fire, pleasantly rested and content. Meredith had George bring dinner to the boathouse and they passed the time eating and talking about the contents of the journals. They learned that Milla had been engaged to another man named Charlie Clay and that Charlie had left for war in the summer of 1942. Meredith was thrilled to find out these details of her dear Milla. She noted that there was so much that she had never known about her aunt's life and she was anxious to read more the next day. Meredith and George had retired to their rooms and Amelia sat gazing into the flames. The anxiety of the last few days had dissipated and she was content to relax in a moment of silence. She had always loved to sit in front of the fire. When she had first come to her home here she would have long spells of longing for her family. Not really the parents that had abandoned her but the idea of a home and family that loved each other. It took many hours of spending time with Meredith and George to realize that she had found a home with them. They would spend long hours with her, playing games and talking with her. She was happy to find a home with them but she always longed for more.

That feeling of contentment had not come fully to fruition until her first year of marriage with Jack. He was her home and she missed him greatly. She walked over to the phone to dial his cell phone. It went straight to voice-mail once again. She tried the house phone once again with no answer and the pit formed once again in her stomach. She curled up in front of the fire and bowed her head to pray. She said a simple prayer to God, asking him for help. She wanted to know where Jack was what he was doing. She repeated words of love out loud and felt them come back to herself as she ended her prayer. She felt a little better but still didn't know what she should do. She climbed the stairs to the loft above and changed into her pajamas.

Before laying down she opened the sliding glass door to the balcony that overlooked the lake. She could see the water moving in the dim light of the moon. The planners of the property had made a point of no visible power lines so that the view would be unobstructed. It made for a magical effect, almost as if it were She looked out to the island and sighed seeing the twinkling lights on the water. There were lights on the dock to greet the passengers of boats in the dark. It was a silent bulwark in the night, protecting any that might come to its shores. She resolved to finally row out to the island the next day. She wanted to see it for herself again and revisit her time with Jack there. She was ready to face this newest development though she didn't know what Jack would say.

She watched the water for a while longer taking in the view fully. She turned to return to her bed but caught a glimpse of an odd shape on the dock of the island. She turned to look closer at the shape and could see that one of the lights looked different. The light wasn't completely blocked but it twinkled differently than it had before and looked as if someone was standing there in the night. Probably just the light playing tricks on the water, she thought. It was too far away to know for sure and she squinted in the dark but could not see anything. The light flickered again and she was convinced it must have been a surge in the electricity. She shook her head at herself and turned again to lay down in the bed. She switched off the side table lamp and pulled the luxurious covers over her head and fell asleep in the pitch blackness with only the dim moonlight as her friend.

Morning came early the next day and Amelia woke to the wind blowing in her face. She smiled as the morning sun beat through the slightly drawn wood shades. She quickly dressed and washed her face and ventured in to find breakfast waiting for her. The food was delicious and she sat in the library to wait for Meredith and George to come downstairs. She picked up a book and sat down by the fire. It was a little chilly in the morning air and the fire felt good on her face.

It was Saturday morning and she knew that this was Meredith's day for errands. She wanted to go into town with her to listen to her message from Jack. She regretted being so impulsive now that she wanted to hear his voice. One of the only things she didn't like about being so far from civilization was that she did not get calls on her cell phone. Maybe he didn't recognize the number when it came up on his phone and that is why he didn't answer. She felt hopeful as Meredith walked into the room with a smile.

She asked Meredith if she could accompany her on her errands to town and Meredith readily agreed. After a quick breakfast of toast and fruit they were driving toward the exit of the camp. When they passed the view of the island Amelia watched closely. The dock was in full view of the road and she was disappointed to see that there was nothing there.

The nearest grocery store was eleven miles from the camp but they had to go over an hour and a half to get to a city large enough for a grocery store large enough to carry specialized food from around the world. Meredith was planning for some special dinners and because they had a two week gap between patients she was going to take the time to make some of her own meals. She had learned well from the help she had over the years and always liked to try new things. She wanted to make a new Thai recipe that she had found and some of the specialized ingredients called for were not part of the local farmer's fare.

Amelia didn't mind the drive. She ran into the boathouse before they left to get Milla's journal and spent the drive reading different passages to pass the time. They learned more about how Milla came to know Sheldon and how she was introduced to the camp. The story captivated their conversation into town.

Charlie was stationed in Germany and Milla had become a nurse to help in the war effort. She left her home in Idaho and was sent to Boston to train as a Army Air Corps nurse. Meredith commented that she had known Milla was a nurse in the war but all the details of her time were interesting.

They arrived at the store and Amelia told Meredith she wanted to take a walk. There was a small park adjacent to the store and Amelia felt the need to be alone while she listened to her messages. She powered up her phone and saw immediately that there were a few messages. She pushed the voicemail button awaiting the familiar voice telling her the message.

The first two messages were from Meredith and Carrie and Amelia noted the concern in Carrie's voice and resolved to call her after she listened to the voicemail. The next message was from work asking her to call in. She ignored that one and deleted it immediately. There was no reason to return. She was tired of going to that place anyway. The last message was from Jack and the minute she heard his voice her breath caught in her throat and she held it there.

Amelia, hey. I just got home. Call me.

The next message was a few hours later, “Hey, I talked with Meredith. We need to talk. I don't know where you are but be safe. Call me when you get to where you're going. I love you.” Jack's deep voice was sad and Amelia noted a slightly desperate tone in his voice. She hurt to hear it. She played the message again then erased them both. She had been stupid not to listen to them before. She was confused by the sudden shift in her thoughts. She wanted more than anything to talk with him. She dialed Jack's number again but got the same out of area message. She dialed their home as well but it went to voice-mail. Puzzled by his absence she shook her head and saw that Meredith was coming out of the store with a grocery cart.

The store didn't have some of the specialized ingredients Meredith required so they went to another store as well. She talked on and on about the meals she was going to prepare but Amelia was preoccupied with the messages from Jack. She analyzed the words over and over but could pull no real meaning out of them. She hoped that she could get in touch with him that evening. It drove her crazy not knowing where he was. He was always quick to answer her calls and it was worrisome to know that he was not answering.

After all the ingredients were collected they loaded in the car for home. After getting on the highway and finding some relaxing music on the radio Amelia laid her head back on the headrest and swiftly fell asleep. The next thing she knew they were pulling through the entrance at Camp Camilla. She wiped her eyes, stretching her arms forward in her seat to get some life in them. Meredith smiled at her and chattered on about the dinner she had planned for the night.

Amelia helped bring in the groceries and was putting away the oranges in the wire baskets that hung near the pantry when Meredith came in carrying a box. She had an serious look on her face. She called Amelia over to the counter and slid the box toward her. Amelia saw that the box had her name written on it but was taped shut with packing tape. There were no other markings on it. Amelia looked up in confusion.

“What is this?” Amelia asked.

“It came in the mail today in a box addressed to me.” Meredith said simply. Meredith watched Amelia's face. Am

Amelia knew the box was from Jack and because it wasn't opened Meredith didn't know what was inside. Amelia's curiosity was peaked but she didn't want to rush to her room right away like a school girl with a locker note. When Amelia didn't make a move toward the box Meredith smiled at her.

“Take it back to your room.” Meredith hugged her, “I think it's time you deal with this.”

Amelia hugged back and silently picked up the box. “I think I'll go read a little more.”

Meredith nodded and Amelia retreated to the boathouse. In minutes she was sitting in her living room staring at the box. She knew that whatever it contained would change her life. She knew it was from Jack. She knew that she needed to see what was there. She wondered why the thought of opening it filled her with such dread.

She thought of the earlier messages from Jack and her heart ached that she had kept herself from him for so long. She missed him so much in that moment that she knew that it was time to open the box.

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Amelia woke with a start and looked around herself in confusion. The time on the clock said 7:14. Her breath was hot in her throat and the tendrils of her dream still held the images in place in her mind. She shook her head to wake herself then laid back on her pillows, pulling one in front of her face and letting out a groan. Was there nowhere she could escape these feelings? Her dreams were full of Jack of what they were together. Lovely, handsome, steady Jack.

Echoes from her dream came through her and she replayed it all in her mind. The images were random, confusing but so real. He was with her on a beach vacation, running ahead of her and laughing. He was sitting across from her at their kitchen table, holding her close in their bed. He was getting ready for work in their bathroom fastening his tie in the mirror. He was holding her, smiling down into her face. It was so real that she could feel his arms around her, comforting her. Her heart ached for him now and yet sadness filled her to know he wasn't there. She had to talk to him.

She reached over to pick up the bedside phone, hoping she could catch him this morning before work. She dialed their home number once again and it rang until the voicemail picked up again. She sighed and hung up the phone. She dialed his cell number again but it went straight to voicemail. She thought of calling him at work but that would have to wait. He didn't usually get in until 8 or 9 o'clock and even then he wasn't always in the office. Amelia hung up the phone and groaned loudly again, falling back into her pillows. The memories were fresh and vibrant in her mind and she considered getting back in the car and driving home so that she could see what was going on. It was hard to stay mad at Jack and it was even harder to realize that she had been the one to leave without telling him.

It was really hard to face the fact that she was afraid. She knew it was ridiculous to have run away from home. She realized it even while she was driving but somehow that didn't stop her. It didn't feel like running away but retreating to home base. Although their life in Florida was good, there was something about this place that always felt more like home. She could gather her thoughts here better than anywhere in the world. As much as she hated to admit it, her life in Florida hadn't been going well lately and it wasn't just this with Jack. It was losing the baby, her change in job, her overall sadness. Camp Camilla had always been a place of comfort and protection and she felt it wrap her up now.

The problem was that now it was also alive with the memories of Jack and their time here and as much as she chided herself for her impulsivity in leaving Florida she felt like she had done the right thing. Nothing had felt right there since her miscarriage. Nothing had been right between the two of them either. She wondered for the first time in a long time how that had effected her relationship with Jack. She realized that he had tried to be there for her and she wouldn't let him get close. There had been many times he approached her and she had been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to care. She knew that he was hurting and she did nothing to ease that hurt. Her rejection of him was mean and she knew it was probably one of the reasons he was seeing Sam.

Her mind protested against that vehemently. He had no excuse for seeing Sam, no matter how bad their own relationship was, it didn't give him the right to see someone else. Anger brewed dully in her stomach and she looked at the clock. Still too early to call Jack at work. She decided to get dressed and find Meredith and George and maybe join them on their morning walk.

She dressed quickly, straightening her softest jeans and t-shirt combo and covering herself with a hooded sweatshirt that Jack had given her. She was going for comfort but she had to admit she didn't look bad. Her hair was easily fixed with a few swipes of the comb. She went without makeup but looked decent without it. She saw a hollowness in her eyes that was disturbing. It reminded her of what she had been through the last few days. She went down the stairs and out the front door that faced the lodge.

She smiled softly as she breathed in the cool morning air, the heavy dew splashing on her shoes. A fine mist hovered over the lake and the trees surrounding the lake were a bright green of the birches mixed with the dark green of the pines. Every season on the lake afforded spectacular scenery but this time of year was probably her favorite. Watching the forest come alive again was amazing. Wildflowers sprung up in the meadows and near the water around the lake, mushrooms sprouted in the forest, mature trees regained their leaves in a beautiful array of greens. The clear skies of June made the lake shine blue, reflecting perfectly the azure sky filled with white puffy clouds. Amelia decided to take a walk after breakfast so she could enjoy the morning.

Breakfast at Camp Camilla was always held at eight. It was a tradition that went back to its first days. Amelia had about a half an hour to kill before it was time to eat so she decided to canoe out to the island and look around. The cabin out there had been expanded from a one story shack to a two story wonder and Amelia wanted to see it in the glory of the morning. She might be a little late for breakfast but she was sure they would save her something nice. She went to the storage area under the boathouse and lifted the canoe carefully to the floor. It was heavier than she remembered and made a mental note that she needed to work out more often to strengthen her arms. She pushed the canoe into the slip and tied it to the pole next to it. She retrieved the oars from the hooks on the wall and set them into the canoe. She turned to choose a life jacket and found a red one with a zipper that was just her size. She walked out on the dock and eased herself carefully into the canoe and positioned the oars in their holders. She heard the sound of Meredith's voice calling her name the sound echoed across the lake. She turned to see Meredith, waving frantically from the rise above the boathouse and Amelia climbed out of the canoe to meet her.

"My dear! Where are you going?" Meredith said breathlessly, as she reached Amelia, "You can't go out on the lake alone!"

Amelia laughed out loud, "Why not? I do it all the time."

Meredith's frantic face softened a little to concern, "What I meant was you shouldn't go out alone. Not right before breakfast! We can row a little later in the day when it's warmer outside. Come, I had Connie make us a special breakfast just for you. It's your favorite."

Amelia smiled at that, remembered how much she liked the blueberry breakfast cake and sausage rolls that Connie made and her mouth watered in anticipation. Carolynne had left some time ago to start her own restaurant in New York City and had grown to enough renown to publish her own series of cookbooks that was selling well. In fact she had received calls from a few cable networks to make her own cooking show and she was considering a few offers. Amelia still spoke with her occasionally and still considered her like family. But Connie had been an excellent replacement for Carolynne. They had different styles but both made amazing food that made every meal at Camp Camilla one to look forward to.

She left the canoe tied up in it's slip and took her life jacket off and hung it out front so she would remember which one to wear later. Meredith waited for her and then took her hand in a friendly way, leading her up the rise and inside to the lodge's breakfast nook. George was already sitting there, peeling an orange then squirting some of the juice into his chamomile tea. He reached for the honey as well and looked up at Amelia with a smile.

The table was spread with a white cloth and there were already dishes of fruit waiting for them at their places. To change the subject away from her and Jack and to distract herself from her own thoughts she asked about the Center and how things were progressing. Meredith and George briefed her on the many families they had worked with recently, speaking in general terms about their progress together. The previous summer they decided to add a hospice center. They had been working for the children of cancer patients for years, working through their grief and hosting week long workshops for families dealing with loss. But George had decided that end of life care for a few families was needed.

Many families coming through the Center after the loss commented that they wished their family member could be there to experience this place as well. There had only been three families that had used the center as a hospice so far but the experience had buoyed them to a degree that George wanted to build another building to house a few more patients. Their charity generated millions of dollars a year to run the center and it's programs and they were thinking of ideas all of the time to keep it serving as many people as possible. George commented that he wanted to expand the staff also, giving caretakers a chance to be with children in desperate need of release as well as the chance to have fun with their surviving family.

The work of the Center warmed her heart and reminded Amelia of how much she loved working there helping Carolynne. It was really some of her own work with patients that had led her to become a nurse in the first place.

After breakfast the three of them took a walk around the lake. The grounds crew did an excellent job of maintaining the trails and wooden bridges. They had smoothed the way enough that even some wheelchairs could access the trail. It was a cathartic experience to walk in those woods and view that space in the world and Amelia felt the calm of the previous night returning to her. She looked out over the water and breathed in the fresh air. The beauty of this place filled her with awe and she watched her two parents with appreciation and love. They had never formally adopted her but they were more parent-like than anyone had ever been in her life. These feelings overcame her and when they stopped to take a break she pulled them both close. This surprised them both and they stood like that with her for a minute or two. Before pulling away she said, "I know I don't tell you enough how much I love and appreciate you both. Thank you for letting me come."

George smiled at Meredith, "You are welcome any time my dear. We love you greatly. You know that."

Meredith nodded at her husband, "You bring us so much joy, Amelia. You are the closest thing we have to our own daughter in this world. Our sons are across the world working hard and we are very proud of them both but you coming into our lives when you did has been nothing but a blessing."

Amelia's eyes filled with tears and she hugged them both again. They walked on silently. Amelia looked out over the lake again and watched the island. She had so many memories of this place that melded together to form a love that could not be broken. A movement on the island caught her eye and she peered closer. She saw some movement in the trees and wondered if a loon had made its way into the cove near the house.

Meredith interrupted her thoughts by asking her about her recent church work. Amelia had been involved in teaching children in their Sunday School for a few years. It was fun to talk with Meredith about her class, their funny personalities and sometimes disruptive antics. Meredith had been active in her local church for many years. Hosting events at the chapel in the camp was an annual tradition. There was an annual dance at the barns in August when everyone from town was shuttled out for a night of fun. The church met in the stone chapel in the camp many times in the convening years.

Amelia made a note to visit the chapel later that day. It had been too long since she had seen it and she had a sudden desire to go in and visit. The old church had been the backdrop of her wedding reception, held on the grassy expanse in front of the church and it was dear to her heart. Her favorite photo of Jack that day was taken there. They were taking candid shots together before the reception and they were talking and laughing together sitting on a white blanket in the grass. The cameraman had caught Jack's face at the perfect angle, showing his strong brow and chin in constrast to her own soft face. He was giving her a look that she loved, the one that spoke volumes. His bright blue eyes gleamed back at her in her mind as she remembered the picture, sincere, geniune, thrilling love beamed from them in her mind's eye and her heart ached to see his face in person. She had a hard time walking straight when she thought of those eyes.

When they reached the new cabins east of the main lodge, George and Meredith showed her around the new buildings. The camp was so far from anywhere else that they were unlocked. There were locks on each door but it wasn't necessary to lock anything way out here. Each cabin was outfitted with three comfortable bedrooms and a sitting room. There were comfortable furnishings set cozily near the fire. Each cabin must have cost over one hundred thousand dollars to build and even more to maintain. Living on their modest salaries made Amelia more aware of how costly this place must be to run but she was proud that Meredith had taken her father's financial legacy and built a place for so many. She would do the same thing if given the chance.

George and Meredith had work to do and Amelia decided to return to the boathouse to see if she could catch Jack at work. She called both home and cell numbers again just in case but got the same results as before. Today was Friday and she wondered if he would be out visiting clients. She reluctantly dialed his office and Sheryl, the secretary over all the reps answered. She was a bit of a gossip and Amelia didn't like her much. When Amelia asked for Jack, Sheryl seemed surprised.

"Well, Jack's not here, dear. I thought he was with you!" Sheryl replied.

Amelia's heart sank, "What do you mean?"

"Honey, he hasn't been in the office since Wednesday late afternoon. He called and said he was going out of town and could be reached by cell. He said he might be out of range for a few days," Sheryl said, her curiosity growing. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. I just thought... Never mind. I must have forgotten he was leaving. That's right he did tell me. I'll call his cell," Amelia answered.

"Are you two having some trouble?" Sheryl asked innocently.

"No," Amelia said emphatically, "And that is really none of your business."

"Well, don't get all huffy. There's no reason things won't work out." Sheryl replied. "You're a pretty girl. I think even more pretty than that gal that was here the other day."

Amelia shook her head in frustration, "What girl?"

"Tall, leggy brunette. Came in asking for Jack Wednesday morning, though he shooed her away right quick. Had eyes for your husband I'd say. Let's see what's her name?" Sheryl said absently lost in thought, "Samantha, I think it was?"

Amelia felt tears forming again. Samantha had been to his workplace?

"Oh right. She was in from out of town, I think. You don't have to worry about her." Amelia said.

That stopped Sheryl in her tracks, "Well, you should have seen the way they were talking in the hall. You could tell he didn't want her there."

I'm sure he didn't, Amelia thought savagely. "Was she there long?" Amelia asked.

"Not more than two or three minutes once Jack came out. I heard him say he would meet her later at the hotel," Sheryl replied juicily.

Amelia rolled her eyes, annoyed that she would try to incite a response. "Yes, well he met her there for lunch. I really need to go. I'll call Jack's cell." She hung up quickly and let out a cry of frustration. What a meddling old bitty! She wants me to be jealous! She wants me to think Jack is with Sam! Amelia's mind raced toward all sorts of conclusions. The part that was hard was that she was completely jealous and it galled her. Thoughts raced into her mind. Maybe he was with Sam. Maybe he had moved out when he found out she had come here! Maybe he was on his way to be with Sam and that was why he wasn't answering! The thought so enraged her that she couldn't sit still. She opened the front door only to see Meredith there coming toward her from the house. She wanted to storm off until she saw Meredith's face. Meredith smiled kindly and expectantly and Amelia tried to compose herself so that she would not cry right then and there.

"I just came to see if you would help me with a box or two in the extra room.” Meredith said with a touch on Amelia's shoulder, “We have a large group coming next week and hoped to have some of these things sorted and cleared out of here by then. Will you help me?"

Amelia thought longingly of the canoe outside but didn't want to disappoint Meredith. "Of course I'll help."

Meredith followed Amelia back into the boathouse and unlocked the extra room on the main floor and turned on the light. It was the smallest room in the house and had about nine or ten boxes in the corner. Meredith picked one up and took it out to the breakfast bar near the boathouse's kitchen. Amelia followed suit and they helped lug some the bigger boxes together. The last item was a large trunk that looked much like a treasure chest. Amelia had loved it for a long time. It used to sit at the base of Camilla's bed in her apartment here at the camp. It was covered in leather and the brass fittings had dulled with age and the large clasp keep it securely shut in place. Amelia felt drawn to it but waited for Meredith's instructions.

They spent a few hours sorting through books and knick knacks. Camilla had been a collector and samples of her collections filled the other buildings throughout the camp. These particular things had been in her residence and Meredith had kept them behind for the sentimentality she still held for these things. Camilla had been like a mother to her when her own had died at an early age and Amelia often felt that she and Meredith connected because they lost their mothers early. Amelia was always interested in Camilla. She seemed to have a fascinating way about her. Meredith smiled as she told stories about Camilla and her childhood here with her in the summers. Amelia loved to hear about her. She had made an indelible mark on her heart the year that she moved here and Amelia's heart waxed tenderly as she remembered their sweet days together.

Amelia remembered Camilla well though she never able to talk with her. She could talk to her but Camilla wasn't able to really respond. Amelia's first responsibilities when she had come to live at the camp were to watch over the ailing Camilla. Camilla or Aunt Milla as Meredith called her had suffered a stroke the previous year that made talking very difficult. Amelia often wondered how much she understood when she spoke to her. Amelia didn't know all that Camilla did during the day because she was at school. George had made sure that she had physical and occupational therapists to visit her in her apartment to help her get stronger. The therapies worked to an extent but she was very weak.

Meredith was busy with the opening and running of the Center and placed Amelia as Camilla's primary company through the day. There were days when she was too weak to get out of bed and a nurse attended her there. Amelia didn't know then that she was close to death. Nothing was ever said about her dying or getting worse though that was sometimes in the back of Amelia's mind.

She had never been around an old person in her entire life. Her own grandparents had died when she was young and she had never really been anywhere an old person in Camilla's state might be. Camilla was sweet and Amelia liked sitting with her and telling her about her day. Camilla would babble in response. At first this was disconcerting but after a while Amelia found it comforting. Camilla seemed to like her company. Her shining eyes would light up when Amelia entered the room and sometimes Amelia would sit at the table near her bed while she did her homework.

On the good days when the sun was shining Amelia pushed Camilla in a wheelchair around the lake path. They had improved it to accommodate the wheelchair so the rises were gradual and Milla could enjoy the view without much trouble.

Amelia would push the wheelchair slowly and talk about her day at school. Camilla would listen patiently and sometimes nod with understanding eyes. Other times she would seem faraway and Amelia would talk anyway. She told Camilla her whole life story complete with memories of her parents and her wish that things were different with them. As silly as it might sound to some being able to express those things out loud were a huge relief and allowed her more fully to share in her therapy sessions.

On every walk Camilla had one special spot that she like to stop. There was a break in the trees on the opposite side of the lake where she would always signal Amelia to stop. She couldn't speak but she would sit and stare out at the island from this vantage point and then close her eyes as if in prayer. This fascinated Amelia for the longest time. She grew to love the spot as well. She even had George bring two Adirondack chairs to set there so that she could rest while Camilla took her time looking out at the island. The chairs were still there overlooking the lake. She referred to it as Camilla's spot to this day and sometimes stopped to gaze out over the water from that place.

Amelia hadn't thought of Camilla in a long time. Meredith remembered her best. She was a spunky woman from the sounds of things. Some of the boxes were full of framed pictures. Amelia had never seen them before. They were of Milla in the 1940's. Her face was young and unlined and Amelia could see the Milla that she knew in them. There were pictures of her with two young men in front of the main lodge. The young men were handsome andand smiling in their army uniforms. Amelia asked Meredith about them but Meredith had never seen the pictures before either. Meredith thought that one of the young men looked like Sheldon Heaton, Camilla's husband. She wasn't sure who the other man was but hoped to find documentation that might lead to his identity. They had recently completed a library building that had once housed the old water pump and converted it into the library. Meredith wanted to set it up with pictures of the former residents of the camp and do a pictorial history of it's residents. She had many pictures of the first owners but didn't have many of Camilla and Sheldon. Meredith's busy schedule sometimes made these smaller projects fall by the wayside but this time with Amelia afforded her more time to work on it with some extra help and Amelia was happy to oblige.

Within a few hours they had all the boxes arranged. Some of the books would go to Meredith's private study in the main lodge and some of the others would be divided between the bookshelves of the different cabins. Their guests enjoyed reading from the plethora of books that were left in the bookshelves of each of the cabins. Sheldon's father had been a collector of books and the collections that filled many walls all over the camp were amazing. There were classics and westerns and vintage stories of that era. Camilla and Sheldon had continued collecting volumes throughout the years and Meredith occasionally added a volume or two when she found a book worthy of the shelf. Amelia could spend hours looking at the collection, wishing for more time to sit in one of the coziest chairs and read to her hearts content as she did when she first came to live there.

Meredith called a few of the groundskeepers to come and pick up the boxes and take them around. Most of the staff that lived on-site had been with Meredith since she had inherited the place from her father. Some of the jobs passed from father to son and mother to daughter. The Center was all about family and the staff was all about family as well. It was a long time tradition here to house families as well as the staff. Living so far from town made commuting difficult and Meredith and George enjoyed creating a communal atmosphere for their employees. As a result they had sent many a groundskeepers child to college or trade school. It was a joy to hear of their progress.

All of that would not have been possible without Camilla. She had been equally generous in her time as mistress of the camp and had kept the tradition alive during her time there.

Amelia had often wondered why Meredith's uncle Sheldon had not just left the camp to Camilla. She knew that times were different then and that Camilla might not have wanted to run the whole place alone but she wondered about that time here. There seemed to be a lot of missing information from the Great Depression time on and she and Meredith discussed trying to find out more about it.

Meredith left Amelia to see how lunch was coming along and Amelia sat down on the comfy sofa. All of the boxes had been cleared away, except the old trunk. She lit the fire and waited for it to warm the room up. It was a little chilly inside. She looked at the trunk that still sat on the floor. Her curiosity at what was inside grew. Amelia wondered if Meredith would care if she went through it herself. Meredith said that she hadn't had much time to look through it yet. Amelia thought it might be painful for her to go through even though so much time had passed since Milla's passing and decided it would be good for her to go through it first. She might be able to learn more about Camilla and identify the men in the picture.

Amelia got down on the floor in front of the chest and undid the latch. The lid of the trunk was much heavier than she had anticipated and she was careful not to let it slip and squish her fingers. She pulled the trunk closer to where she had been sitting smiled as she looked at the contents of the trunk. So many things to look at and identify. Her thoughts were far from her earlier worried as she focused in on the contents. She lifted each item carefully and arranged them on the coffee table in front of her being careful to place them gently. It wouldn't do to break any of them and spoil the plan for future display.

There were more pictures most of Meredith as a young woman. Camilla was very proud of Meredith and her pride showed in the amount of photos she had taken of her. There were photos of the improvements made to the camp as well and what things had looked like long ago. It still amazed Amelia how this place had been carved out of the forest. It was amazing that such a normal place could become extraordinary with a little work and ingenuity. There were a few trinkets and some jewelry. There were a few rings, and some costume jewelry. There were also some clothes. A small blanket in blue and little booties wrapped in tissue paper. There were cards and a few books of poems inscribed by Sheldon. There were some smaller volumes, too. With no inscriptions just the initials, CAC.

Amelia felt a little disappointed not to see a journal or diary. Amelia had scribbled in a journal since she was a small girl. Her mother hated it and always threw them out but since then Amelia carried her journal with her everywhere. Writing helped her make sense of things. It was disappointing that Camilla hadn't left more of a record.

Amelia decided it must be close to lunchtime. She carefully lifted the heavy lid to secure it back into place. The lid fell with a thud but she could not get the latch to fasten. She lifted the lid again to see that there was a bit of the lid lining that was loose. She lifted the lid slowly again to examine the lining. The other lining looked seamless and the tab seemed out of place.

Amelia got down on the floor to examine it closer. She could see where the lining was coming out of and her mind went wild when she saw that the lining was actually covering something brass. Amelia pried open the lining and realized that she had found a secret brass keyhole. She searched the trunk and the surrounding lining for the key that might fit the lock but there was nothing that even resembled a key. She was excited at her discovery and couldn't wait to find Meredith and show her the keyhole. Perhaps there was even more to discover in the trunk than they first imagined. The mystery made her forget her own problems for the first time in two days and Amelia fairly danced her way into the lodge to find Meredith.

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The drive into the camp was as spectacular as ever and Amelia smiled as she got her first glimpse of the island. She parked the car in the lot and saw Aunt Mere emerge from the kitchen door in the back of the main lodge. George stood silently in the doorway as Mere rushed forward to meet her and Amelia was encircled in Meredith's arms. Relief flooded over her as Mere held her close for a few seconds and whispered, “I'm so glad you're here. I've been so worried.”

Amelia pulled back and nodded, tears springing up as she tried to speak. “I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm just glad to be here. I don't know what...” she started gulping down the lump in her throat and Meredith interrupted.

“Now you stop right there, no need to apologize.” Meredith said. “I'm just glad you are here.” Meredith looked up at George and they exchanged a look that made Amelia miss Jack all the more. George was watching them closely with a small smile on his lips. With Meredith's arm around her they made their way to George who moved forward to embrace her as well. The three stood together like that for a few moments and exchanged brief hellos. George asked after her bags so that he could take them to her room. Amelia directed him to the trunk of her car and he took the bag and headed toward the boathouse. Amelia watched silently then gave Meredith a curious look.

“He's going to the boathouse. Aunt Mere, I don't have to stay in the boathouse. You shouldn't go to any trouble. My old room in the lodge will be just fine.” Amelia said anxiously.

“Nonsense, it's no trouble at all. We're used to guests coming at the last minute. It's the least we could do for our girl.” Meredith smiled her motherly smile, the one that meant there would be no more discussion, and lead Amelia into the lodge's dining room. “Your room in the lodge is being used for offices at the moment. We converted many of the bedrooms this last year to accommodate more staff. Besides, you love the boat house.”

Amelia hugged Meredith's shoulder again, “Yes, thank you, I really do.”

“I've been using the extra room in there for storage of some of Camilla's old things. I hope you won't mind a few boxes while you're here. I've been rearranging things lately and can never find enough places for things.” Meredith went on. “Perhaps you could help me go through some things while you're here.” They sat together in the smaller breakfast nook that was already set with three place settings and a basket of bread.

Amelia smiled at her friend who had always been better than her own mother to her and she realized how much she had missed seeing her face. “Aunt Mere, you really didn't have to do this. I'm not even sure if I am hungry.”

Meredith searched Amelia's face for a moment, a look of understanding passing between them. Amelia felt the feelings of the last few days creeping up again.

“Why don't you tell me what happened.” Meredith said kindly.

The drive had done much to calm her and she was able to tell the story without tears. Meredith sat in silence, listening carefully to every detail. When Amelia finished, Meredith sat quietly, waiting for more. When Amelia didn't continue, Meredith frowned.

“Isn't there more? So you saw them together. Did you confront them?” Meredith asked.

Amelia shook her head, “I was too angry, and embarrassed. I didn't know what to say! I just couldn't DO anything.”

“So, there they were right in front of you and you didn't just follow them and knock on the door and demand to know it all?” Meredith shook her head defiantly, “I think I would have charged in and showed them what for. What did Jack have to say?”

“I haven't talked with him yet.” Amelia said. “He doesn't know I'm gone.”

“Oh, but he does.” Meredith exclaimed, “I told him you were coming here.”

Amelia paused, nodding her head, “I'm glad. I wondered if you would.” Amelia's curiosity got the better of her, “Did he say anything else?”

Meredith watched her before replying, “Yes, he said to tell you to call when you arrived. He was very concerned for you.” Amelia nodded, wanting to know more but not wanting to ask.

“Did he really sound concerned?” Amelia asked, “I would have thought he would be too busy with Sam to care much about me.”

Meredith gave her a disapproving look, “Amelia, how could you say such a thing. Of course he cares about you. He loves you very much.” Amelia turned away for a moment, the pain fresh in her heart made eye contact difficult.

“I don't know, Mere. I thought he did.” Amelia said sadly.

“Of course he does.” Meredith said, matter-of-factly. “But you have to talk to him about this. These things shouldn't be left to fester.”

Amelia nodded, “I just couldn't do it. I couldn't call.”

Meredith reached for Amelia's hands across the table and squeezed them tightly.

“My dear, you must. You need to talk or this will be worse.” Meredith said directly. Amelia nodded sadly.

“I know.” she said quietly, “I know we need to talk.” she paused looking for the right way to continue. “Mere, it could all be over. It could all just go away.”

“What, dear?” Meredith asked, searching Amelia's face.

Amelia paused for a few moments, feeling the anxiety that had led her to run in the first place rise up to meet her. She pushed it down and let out a sigh, “Us. Jack and me. Us. It could be the end.”

Meredith smiled, comfortingly, “But you don't know that. Not for sure.”

“I know, Mere. Can we talk about this later. I just can't right now,” Amelia sighed again as she pulled a piece of bread on her plate and buttered it, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully. Meredith did the same and one of the kitchen staff that Amelia didn't recognize came to fill their glasses. Meredith realized that it might be wise to continue their conversation later.

“Well, you're here now. No need to worry about anything tonight.” Meredith said, pausing to take Amelia's hand again, “I'll call Jack tonight to let him know you're here. Would that be all right?”

Amelia paused before answering, “Yes, that would be all right. It's too late tonight anyway.”

Meredith smiled and noticed George coming through the dining hall. There would be time enough to get to the bottom of this.

George approached the table with a grin, “I'm starved! Let's eat.”

After an amazing dinner, George and Meredith walked with her to the boathouse to make sure all was well before she turned in for the night. The camp was dark at night so they carried flashlights with them everywhere. There were a few pathways that were lit up but with such a large area and no other guests to speak of the camp was dark. They hugged Amelia goodnight and then Amelia was alone. She looked around the boathouse with wonder. The new leather furnishings looked comfortable and rustic but still felt like home. The fire in the fireplace beckoned her to sit down in front of it. The high wooden walls reminded her of the lodge and the view opened up to the lake. She ascended the stairs to the loft. The feather bed was made up with white duvet and luxurious pillows that were very inviting to her tired body.
She decided to take a quick shower before she went to bed.  She wanted to wash some of the grime of the day away. She could still hear the buzzing of the road in her head and she was anxious to sleep.  After a quick shower she toweled off and reached for one of the white robes to wrap up in. Jack always said the robes at Camp Camilla were the most comfortable he had ever worn. Pulling the robe closely around her she remembered the package that had arrived the first Christmas they were married with a robe for each of them monogrammed with their initials. Jack still wore his often. The thought of Jack pricked her consciousness and she imagined him there with her. The thought made her happy and aching all at once. She had never wanted him to be there more than right now. She needed to talk to him and hear his voice. She could almost see him there with her and she realized what a terrible mistake it was to let this go on further.

She walked over to the phone and dialed their home phone. It rang four times until the message picked up. Amelia hung up the phone and dialed his cell number, hoping that he would answer. She wished she could call from her cell phone so that he would know it was her. He might not recognize the number here. A message came on to say the phone was out of the service area and to try the call again later. It was disappointing not to at least hear his voice message.  Jack traveled quite a bit with his sales job so maybe he was out on a call, she thought, or maybe he was out with Samantha somewhere. The thought hit her hard and she hung up the phone again.

She walked out onto the deck of the boathouse. The sun had gone down hours before but the moon was bright on the water. The night was chilly for June and she was glad she had the robe to keep her warm. She walked out on the deck and sat in the chair overlooking the water. Her thoughts raced as she thought about Jack. She couldn't help but remember their time here in this very spot. She closed her eyes to remember Jack sitting with her, laughing in the sunlight, diving off the end of the deck into the water, canoeing on the lake, riding out to the island. So many great memories together here flooded over her that she felt an overwhelming sadness fill her. If she had wanted to forget Jack, she had come to the wrong place. The island was full of their memories together.

The island had trail lights that were barely visible from her vantage point. She stood and walked to the edge of the deck looking out over the water. The island's lights glimmered in the reflection of the lake. The mist hung placidly over the dark, clear blackness of the water. Through the trees she could barely make out the shape of the cabin. The lights inside the cabin were dim but visible through the trees. It was odd that they were on but it wasn't that unusual.  Amelia was glad to see them shining back at her.  Sometimes the staff forgot to turn them off before leaving or perhaps someone was out cleaning tonight.
Amelia sat on the deck for a long time until she felt too cold. She went back inside and filled the jetted tub with warm water and lit a fire in the bathroom fireplace. Maybe it was overkill to take a bath after a shower and some might think such luxuries seemed out of place in the middle of the woods but for Meredith they were very important. Each of her guest houses were well equipped with jetted tubs and multiple fireplaces. Amelia turned on the jets and allowed her body to relax for the first time that day. She breathed deeply and longingly thought of Jack. Darling Jack when they first met and as they were just two days prior. She wanted him here with her. Wanted all of this to be done with. Wanted her regular life back. Her tired mind labored on with thoughts of him. She got out and dressed quickly in the robe again and climbed under the covers of the freshly made bed. She sunk down into the pillows and fell listlessly into a deep sleep.
***********************************************************************************
As Amelia slumbered in her room, Meredith paced the floor in her apartment in the main lodge.  Jack was supposed to call at 9:30 and it was nearly that now.  She and George were early risers and preferred to sleep early and arise early for their morning walk around the lake.  George had fallen asleep around 9 and his soft snoring rhythmically marked the passage of time.  There was a ring and Meredith immediately picked up the phone.
"Jack?" she asked anxiously.
"Hi, Mere, is she there?" Jack asked, his concern evident in his voice. Meredith was relieved to hear it.
"Yes, she is." Meredith answered.
"Thank goodness, she made it. I've been worried all day." Jack said.  "How is she?"
Meredith paused, "She is okay.  Upset.  Confused."
"I figured that," Jack said earnestly, "What did she say?"
Meredith related the whole story to Jack as Jack sat quietly on the other end.
There was silence for a minute while Jack contemplated what to say next.
"Jack, I hate to ask but what is going on?" Meredith asked, "Carrie told me some about Samantha didn't mention that you were at the hotel with her.  I'd like to know what you were doing there with her and why you didn't tell Amelia any of this."
Jack sighed quietly,"It's a long story, Mere.  It's really complicated.  Just know I never meant to hurt Amelia."
"Do you want my help with this or not?" Meredith asked.
"Of course, I do." Jack replied quickly.
"Then tell me everything and start at the beginning," Meredith said.