Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Amelia woke with a start and looked around herself in confusion. The time on the clock said 7:14. Her breath was hot in her throat and the tendrils of her dream still held the images in place in her mind. She shook her head to wake herself then laid back on her pillows, pulling one in front of her face and letting out a groan. Was there nowhere she could escape these feelings? Her dreams were full of Jack of what they were together. Lovely, handsome, steady Jack.

Echoes from her dream came through her and she replayed it all in her mind. The images were random, confusing but so real. He was with her on a beach vacation, running ahead of her and laughing. He was sitting across from her at their kitchen table, holding her close in their bed. He was getting ready for work in their bathroom fastening his tie in the mirror. He was holding her, smiling down into her face. It was so real that she could feel his arms around her, comforting her. Her heart ached for him now and yet sadness filled her to know he wasn't there. She had to talk to him.

She reached over to pick up the bedside phone, hoping she could catch him this morning before work. She dialed their home number once again and it rang until the voicemail picked up again. She sighed and hung up the phone. She dialed his cell number again but it went straight to voicemail. She thought of calling him at work but that would have to wait. He didn't usually get in until 8 or 9 o'clock and even then he wasn't always in the office. Amelia hung up the phone and groaned loudly again, falling back into her pillows. The memories were fresh and vibrant in her mind and she considered getting back in the car and driving home so that she could see what was going on. It was hard to stay mad at Jack and it was even harder to realize that she had been the one to leave without telling him.

It was really hard to face the fact that she was afraid. She knew it was ridiculous to have run away from home. She realized it even while she was driving but somehow that didn't stop her. It didn't feel like running away but retreating to home base. Although their life in Florida was good, there was something about this place that always felt more like home. She could gather her thoughts here better than anywhere in the world. As much as she hated to admit it, her life in Florida hadn't been going well lately and it wasn't just this with Jack. It was losing the baby, her change in job, her overall sadness. Camp Camilla had always been a place of comfort and protection and she felt it wrap her up now.

The problem was that now it was also alive with the memories of Jack and their time here and as much as she chided herself for her impulsivity in leaving Florida she felt like she had done the right thing. Nothing had felt right there since her miscarriage. Nothing had been right between the two of them either. She wondered for the first time in a long time how that had effected her relationship with Jack. She realized that he had tried to be there for her and she wouldn't let him get close. There had been many times he approached her and she had been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to care. She knew that he was hurting and she did nothing to ease that hurt. Her rejection of him was mean and she knew it was probably one of the reasons he was seeing Sam.

Her mind protested against that vehemently. He had no excuse for seeing Sam, no matter how bad their own relationship was, it didn't give him the right to see someone else. Anger brewed dully in her stomach and she looked at the clock. Still too early to call Jack at work. She decided to get dressed and find Meredith and George and maybe join them on their morning walk.

She dressed quickly, straightening her softest jeans and t-shirt combo and covering herself with a hooded sweatshirt that Jack had given her. She was going for comfort but she had to admit she didn't look bad. Her hair was easily fixed with a few swipes of the comb. She went without makeup but looked decent without it. She saw a hollowness in her eyes that was disturbing. It reminded her of what she had been through the last few days. She went down the stairs and out the front door that faced the lodge.

She smiled softly as she breathed in the cool morning air, the heavy dew splashing on her shoes. A fine mist hovered over the lake and the trees surrounding the lake were a bright green of the birches mixed with the dark green of the pines. Every season on the lake afforded spectacular scenery but this time of year was probably her favorite. Watching the forest come alive again was amazing. Wildflowers sprung up in the meadows and near the water around the lake, mushrooms sprouted in the forest, mature trees regained their leaves in a beautiful array of greens. The clear skies of June made the lake shine blue, reflecting perfectly the azure sky filled with white puffy clouds. Amelia decided to take a walk after breakfast so she could enjoy the morning.

Breakfast at Camp Camilla was always held at eight. It was a tradition that went back to its first days. Amelia had about a half an hour to kill before it was time to eat so she decided to canoe out to the island and look around. The cabin out there had been expanded from a one story shack to a two story wonder and Amelia wanted to see it in the glory of the morning. She might be a little late for breakfast but she was sure they would save her something nice. She went to the storage area under the boathouse and lifted the canoe carefully to the floor. It was heavier than she remembered and made a mental note that she needed to work out more often to strengthen her arms. She pushed the canoe into the slip and tied it to the pole next to it. She retrieved the oars from the hooks on the wall and set them into the canoe. She turned to choose a life jacket and found a red one with a zipper that was just her size. She walked out on the dock and eased herself carefully into the canoe and positioned the oars in their holders. She heard the sound of Meredith's voice calling her name the sound echoed across the lake. She turned to see Meredith, waving frantically from the rise above the boathouse and Amelia climbed out of the canoe to meet her.

"My dear! Where are you going?" Meredith said breathlessly, as she reached Amelia, "You can't go out on the lake alone!"

Amelia laughed out loud, "Why not? I do it all the time."

Meredith's frantic face softened a little to concern, "What I meant was you shouldn't go out alone. Not right before breakfast! We can row a little later in the day when it's warmer outside. Come, I had Connie make us a special breakfast just for you. It's your favorite."

Amelia smiled at that, remembered how much she liked the blueberry breakfast cake and sausage rolls that Connie made and her mouth watered in anticipation. Carolynne had left some time ago to start her own restaurant in New York City and had grown to enough renown to publish her own series of cookbooks that was selling well. In fact she had received calls from a few cable networks to make her own cooking show and she was considering a few offers. Amelia still spoke with her occasionally and still considered her like family. But Connie had been an excellent replacement for Carolynne. They had different styles but both made amazing food that made every meal at Camp Camilla one to look forward to.

She left the canoe tied up in it's slip and took her life jacket off and hung it out front so she would remember which one to wear later. Meredith waited for her and then took her hand in a friendly way, leading her up the rise and inside to the lodge's breakfast nook. George was already sitting there, peeling an orange then squirting some of the juice into his chamomile tea. He reached for the honey as well and looked up at Amelia with a smile.

The table was spread with a white cloth and there were already dishes of fruit waiting for them at their places. To change the subject away from her and Jack and to distract herself from her own thoughts she asked about the Center and how things were progressing. Meredith and George briefed her on the many families they had worked with recently, speaking in general terms about their progress together. The previous summer they decided to add a hospice center. They had been working for the children of cancer patients for years, working through their grief and hosting week long workshops for families dealing with loss. But George had decided that end of life care for a few families was needed.

Many families coming through the Center after the loss commented that they wished their family member could be there to experience this place as well. There had only been three families that had used the center as a hospice so far but the experience had buoyed them to a degree that George wanted to build another building to house a few more patients. Their charity generated millions of dollars a year to run the center and it's programs and they were thinking of ideas all of the time to keep it serving as many people as possible. George commented that he wanted to expand the staff also, giving caretakers a chance to be with children in desperate need of release as well as the chance to have fun with their surviving family.

The work of the Center warmed her heart and reminded Amelia of how much she loved working there helping Carolynne. It was really some of her own work with patients that had led her to become a nurse in the first place.

After breakfast the three of them took a walk around the lake. The grounds crew did an excellent job of maintaining the trails and wooden bridges. They had smoothed the way enough that even some wheelchairs could access the trail. It was a cathartic experience to walk in those woods and view that space in the world and Amelia felt the calm of the previous night returning to her. She looked out over the water and breathed in the fresh air. The beauty of this place filled her with awe and she watched her two parents with appreciation and love. They had never formally adopted her but they were more parent-like than anyone had ever been in her life. These feelings overcame her and when they stopped to take a break she pulled them both close. This surprised them both and they stood like that with her for a minute or two. Before pulling away she said, "I know I don't tell you enough how much I love and appreciate you both. Thank you for letting me come."

George smiled at Meredith, "You are welcome any time my dear. We love you greatly. You know that."

Meredith nodded at her husband, "You bring us so much joy, Amelia. You are the closest thing we have to our own daughter in this world. Our sons are across the world working hard and we are very proud of them both but you coming into our lives when you did has been nothing but a blessing."

Amelia's eyes filled with tears and she hugged them both again. They walked on silently. Amelia looked out over the lake again and watched the island. She had so many memories of this place that melded together to form a love that could not be broken. A movement on the island caught her eye and she peered closer. She saw some movement in the trees and wondered if a loon had made its way into the cove near the house.

Meredith interrupted her thoughts by asking her about her recent church work. Amelia had been involved in teaching children in their Sunday School for a few years. It was fun to talk with Meredith about her class, their funny personalities and sometimes disruptive antics. Meredith had been active in her local church for many years. Hosting events at the chapel in the camp was an annual tradition. There was an annual dance at the barns in August when everyone from town was shuttled out for a night of fun. The church met in the stone chapel in the camp many times in the convening years.

Amelia made a note to visit the chapel later that day. It had been too long since she had seen it and she had a sudden desire to go in and visit. The old church had been the backdrop of her wedding reception, held on the grassy expanse in front of the church and it was dear to her heart. Her favorite photo of Jack that day was taken there. They were taking candid shots together before the reception and they were talking and laughing together sitting on a white blanket in the grass. The cameraman had caught Jack's face at the perfect angle, showing his strong brow and chin in constrast to her own soft face. He was giving her a look that she loved, the one that spoke volumes. His bright blue eyes gleamed back at her in her mind as she remembered the picture, sincere, geniune, thrilling love beamed from them in her mind's eye and her heart ached to see his face in person. She had a hard time walking straight when she thought of those eyes.

When they reached the new cabins east of the main lodge, George and Meredith showed her around the new buildings. The camp was so far from anywhere else that they were unlocked. There were locks on each door but it wasn't necessary to lock anything way out here. Each cabin was outfitted with three comfortable bedrooms and a sitting room. There were comfortable furnishings set cozily near the fire. Each cabin must have cost over one hundred thousand dollars to build and even more to maintain. Living on their modest salaries made Amelia more aware of how costly this place must be to run but she was proud that Meredith had taken her father's financial legacy and built a place for so many. She would do the same thing if given the chance.

George and Meredith had work to do and Amelia decided to return to the boathouse to see if she could catch Jack at work. She called both home and cell numbers again just in case but got the same results as before. Today was Friday and she wondered if he would be out visiting clients. She reluctantly dialed his office and Sheryl, the secretary over all the reps answered. She was a bit of a gossip and Amelia didn't like her much. When Amelia asked for Jack, Sheryl seemed surprised.

"Well, Jack's not here, dear. I thought he was with you!" Sheryl replied.

Amelia's heart sank, "What do you mean?"

"Honey, he hasn't been in the office since Wednesday late afternoon. He called and said he was going out of town and could be reached by cell. He said he might be out of range for a few days," Sheryl said, her curiosity growing. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. I just thought... Never mind. I must have forgotten he was leaving. That's right he did tell me. I'll call his cell," Amelia answered.

"Are you two having some trouble?" Sheryl asked innocently.

"No," Amelia said emphatically, "And that is really none of your business."

"Well, don't get all huffy. There's no reason things won't work out." Sheryl replied. "You're a pretty girl. I think even more pretty than that gal that was here the other day."

Amelia shook her head in frustration, "What girl?"

"Tall, leggy brunette. Came in asking for Jack Wednesday morning, though he shooed her away right quick. Had eyes for your husband I'd say. Let's see what's her name?" Sheryl said absently lost in thought, "Samantha, I think it was?"

Amelia felt tears forming again. Samantha had been to his workplace?

"Oh right. She was in from out of town, I think. You don't have to worry about her." Amelia said.

That stopped Sheryl in her tracks, "Well, you should have seen the way they were talking in the hall. You could tell he didn't want her there."

I'm sure he didn't, Amelia thought savagely. "Was she there long?" Amelia asked.

"Not more than two or three minutes once Jack came out. I heard him say he would meet her later at the hotel," Sheryl replied juicily.

Amelia rolled her eyes, annoyed that she would try to incite a response. "Yes, well he met her there for lunch. I really need to go. I'll call Jack's cell." She hung up quickly and let out a cry of frustration. What a meddling old bitty! She wants me to be jealous! She wants me to think Jack is with Sam! Amelia's mind raced toward all sorts of conclusions. The part that was hard was that she was completely jealous and it galled her. Thoughts raced into her mind. Maybe he was with Sam. Maybe he had moved out when he found out she had come here! Maybe he was on his way to be with Sam and that was why he wasn't answering! The thought so enraged her that she couldn't sit still. She opened the front door only to see Meredith there coming toward her from the house. She wanted to storm off until she saw Meredith's face. Meredith smiled kindly and expectantly and Amelia tried to compose herself so that she would not cry right then and there.

"I just came to see if you would help me with a box or two in the extra room.” Meredith said with a touch on Amelia's shoulder, “We have a large group coming next week and hoped to have some of these things sorted and cleared out of here by then. Will you help me?"

Amelia thought longingly of the canoe outside but didn't want to disappoint Meredith. "Of course I'll help."

Meredith followed Amelia back into the boathouse and unlocked the extra room on the main floor and turned on the light. It was the smallest room in the house and had about nine or ten boxes in the corner. Meredith picked one up and took it out to the breakfast bar near the boathouse's kitchen. Amelia followed suit and they helped lug some the bigger boxes together. The last item was a large trunk that looked much like a treasure chest. Amelia had loved it for a long time. It used to sit at the base of Camilla's bed in her apartment here at the camp. It was covered in leather and the brass fittings had dulled with age and the large clasp keep it securely shut in place. Amelia felt drawn to it but waited for Meredith's instructions.

They spent a few hours sorting through books and knick knacks. Camilla had been a collector and samples of her collections filled the other buildings throughout the camp. These particular things had been in her residence and Meredith had kept them behind for the sentimentality she still held for these things. Camilla had been like a mother to her when her own had died at an early age and Amelia often felt that she and Meredith connected because they lost their mothers early. Amelia was always interested in Camilla. She seemed to have a fascinating way about her. Meredith smiled as she told stories about Camilla and her childhood here with her in the summers. Amelia loved to hear about her. She had made an indelible mark on her heart the year that she moved here and Amelia's heart waxed tenderly as she remembered their sweet days together.

Amelia remembered Camilla well though she never able to talk with her. She could talk to her but Camilla wasn't able to really respond. Amelia's first responsibilities when she had come to live at the camp were to watch over the ailing Camilla. Camilla or Aunt Milla as Meredith called her had suffered a stroke the previous year that made talking very difficult. Amelia often wondered how much she understood when she spoke to her. Amelia didn't know all that Camilla did during the day because she was at school. George had made sure that she had physical and occupational therapists to visit her in her apartment to help her get stronger. The therapies worked to an extent but she was very weak.

Meredith was busy with the opening and running of the Center and placed Amelia as Camilla's primary company through the day. There were days when she was too weak to get out of bed and a nurse attended her there. Amelia didn't know then that she was close to death. Nothing was ever said about her dying or getting worse though that was sometimes in the back of Amelia's mind.

She had never been around an old person in her entire life. Her own grandparents had died when she was young and she had never really been anywhere an old person in Camilla's state might be. Camilla was sweet and Amelia liked sitting with her and telling her about her day. Camilla would babble in response. At first this was disconcerting but after a while Amelia found it comforting. Camilla seemed to like her company. Her shining eyes would light up when Amelia entered the room and sometimes Amelia would sit at the table near her bed while she did her homework.

On the good days when the sun was shining Amelia pushed Camilla in a wheelchair around the lake path. They had improved it to accommodate the wheelchair so the rises were gradual and Milla could enjoy the view without much trouble.

Amelia would push the wheelchair slowly and talk about her day at school. Camilla would listen patiently and sometimes nod with understanding eyes. Other times she would seem faraway and Amelia would talk anyway. She told Camilla her whole life story complete with memories of her parents and her wish that things were different with them. As silly as it might sound to some being able to express those things out loud were a huge relief and allowed her more fully to share in her therapy sessions.

On every walk Camilla had one special spot that she like to stop. There was a break in the trees on the opposite side of the lake where she would always signal Amelia to stop. She couldn't speak but she would sit and stare out at the island from this vantage point and then close her eyes as if in prayer. This fascinated Amelia for the longest time. She grew to love the spot as well. She even had George bring two Adirondack chairs to set there so that she could rest while Camilla took her time looking out at the island. The chairs were still there overlooking the lake. She referred to it as Camilla's spot to this day and sometimes stopped to gaze out over the water from that place.

Amelia hadn't thought of Camilla in a long time. Meredith remembered her best. She was a spunky woman from the sounds of things. Some of the boxes were full of framed pictures. Amelia had never seen them before. They were of Milla in the 1940's. Her face was young and unlined and Amelia could see the Milla that she knew in them. There were pictures of her with two young men in front of the main lodge. The young men were handsome andand smiling in their army uniforms. Amelia asked Meredith about them but Meredith had never seen the pictures before either. Meredith thought that one of the young men looked like Sheldon Heaton, Camilla's husband. She wasn't sure who the other man was but hoped to find documentation that might lead to his identity. They had recently completed a library building that had once housed the old water pump and converted it into the library. Meredith wanted to set it up with pictures of the former residents of the camp and do a pictorial history of it's residents. She had many pictures of the first owners but didn't have many of Camilla and Sheldon. Meredith's busy schedule sometimes made these smaller projects fall by the wayside but this time with Amelia afforded her more time to work on it with some extra help and Amelia was happy to oblige.

Within a few hours they had all the boxes arranged. Some of the books would go to Meredith's private study in the main lodge and some of the others would be divided between the bookshelves of the different cabins. Their guests enjoyed reading from the plethora of books that were left in the bookshelves of each of the cabins. Sheldon's father had been a collector of books and the collections that filled many walls all over the camp were amazing. There were classics and westerns and vintage stories of that era. Camilla and Sheldon had continued collecting volumes throughout the years and Meredith occasionally added a volume or two when she found a book worthy of the shelf. Amelia could spend hours looking at the collection, wishing for more time to sit in one of the coziest chairs and read to her hearts content as she did when she first came to live there.

Meredith called a few of the groundskeepers to come and pick up the boxes and take them around. Most of the staff that lived on-site had been with Meredith since she had inherited the place from her father. Some of the jobs passed from father to son and mother to daughter. The Center was all about family and the staff was all about family as well. It was a long time tradition here to house families as well as the staff. Living so far from town made commuting difficult and Meredith and George enjoyed creating a communal atmosphere for their employees. As a result they had sent many a groundskeepers child to college or trade school. It was a joy to hear of their progress.

All of that would not have been possible without Camilla. She had been equally generous in her time as mistress of the camp and had kept the tradition alive during her time there.

Amelia had often wondered why Meredith's uncle Sheldon had not just left the camp to Camilla. She knew that times were different then and that Camilla might not have wanted to run the whole place alone but she wondered about that time here. There seemed to be a lot of missing information from the Great Depression time on and she and Meredith discussed trying to find out more about it.

Meredith left Amelia to see how lunch was coming along and Amelia sat down on the comfy sofa. All of the boxes had been cleared away, except the old trunk. She lit the fire and waited for it to warm the room up. It was a little chilly inside. She looked at the trunk that still sat on the floor. Her curiosity at what was inside grew. Amelia wondered if Meredith would care if she went through it herself. Meredith said that she hadn't had much time to look through it yet. Amelia thought it might be painful for her to go through even though so much time had passed since Milla's passing and decided it would be good for her to go through it first. She might be able to learn more about Camilla and identify the men in the picture.

Amelia got down on the floor in front of the chest and undid the latch. The lid of the trunk was much heavier than she had anticipated and she was careful not to let it slip and squish her fingers. She pulled the trunk closer to where she had been sitting smiled as she looked at the contents of the trunk. So many things to look at and identify. Her thoughts were far from her earlier worried as she focused in on the contents. She lifted each item carefully and arranged them on the coffee table in front of her being careful to place them gently. It wouldn't do to break any of them and spoil the plan for future display.

There were more pictures most of Meredith as a young woman. Camilla was very proud of Meredith and her pride showed in the amount of photos she had taken of her. There were photos of the improvements made to the camp as well and what things had looked like long ago. It still amazed Amelia how this place had been carved out of the forest. It was amazing that such a normal place could become extraordinary with a little work and ingenuity. There were a few trinkets and some jewelry. There were a few rings, and some costume jewelry. There were also some clothes. A small blanket in blue and little booties wrapped in tissue paper. There were cards and a few books of poems inscribed by Sheldon. There were some smaller volumes, too. With no inscriptions just the initials, CAC.

Amelia felt a little disappointed not to see a journal or diary. Amelia had scribbled in a journal since she was a small girl. Her mother hated it and always threw them out but since then Amelia carried her journal with her everywhere. Writing helped her make sense of things. It was disappointing that Camilla hadn't left more of a record.

Amelia decided it must be close to lunchtime. She carefully lifted the heavy lid to secure it back into place. The lid fell with a thud but she could not get the latch to fasten. She lifted the lid again to see that there was a bit of the lid lining that was loose. She lifted the lid slowly again to examine the lining. The other lining looked seamless and the tab seemed out of place.

Amelia got down on the floor to examine it closer. She could see where the lining was coming out of and her mind went wild when she saw that the lining was actually covering something brass. Amelia pried open the lining and realized that she had found a secret brass keyhole. She searched the trunk and the surrounding lining for the key that might fit the lock but there was nothing that even resembled a key. She was excited at her discovery and couldn't wait to find Meredith and show her the keyhole. Perhaps there was even more to discover in the trunk than they first imagined. The mystery made her forget her own problems for the first time in two days and Amelia fairly danced her way into the lodge to find Meredith.

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The drive into the camp was as spectacular as ever and Amelia smiled as she got her first glimpse of the island. She parked the car in the lot and saw Aunt Mere emerge from the kitchen door in the back of the main lodge. George stood silently in the doorway as Mere rushed forward to meet her and Amelia was encircled in Meredith's arms. Relief flooded over her as Mere held her close for a few seconds and whispered, “I'm so glad you're here. I've been so worried.”

Amelia pulled back and nodded, tears springing up as she tried to speak. “I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm just glad to be here. I don't know what...” she started gulping down the lump in her throat and Meredith interrupted.

“Now you stop right there, no need to apologize.” Meredith said. “I'm just glad you are here.” Meredith looked up at George and they exchanged a look that made Amelia miss Jack all the more. George was watching them closely with a small smile on his lips. With Meredith's arm around her they made their way to George who moved forward to embrace her as well. The three stood together like that for a few moments and exchanged brief hellos. George asked after her bags so that he could take them to her room. Amelia directed him to the trunk of her car and he took the bag and headed toward the boathouse. Amelia watched silently then gave Meredith a curious look.

“He's going to the boathouse. Aunt Mere, I don't have to stay in the boathouse. You shouldn't go to any trouble. My old room in the lodge will be just fine.” Amelia said anxiously.

“Nonsense, it's no trouble at all. We're used to guests coming at the last minute. It's the least we could do for our girl.” Meredith smiled her motherly smile, the one that meant there would be no more discussion, and lead Amelia into the lodge's dining room. “Your room in the lodge is being used for offices at the moment. We converted many of the bedrooms this last year to accommodate more staff. Besides, you love the boat house.”

Amelia hugged Meredith's shoulder again, “Yes, thank you, I really do.”

“I've been using the extra room in there for storage of some of Camilla's old things. I hope you won't mind a few boxes while you're here. I've been rearranging things lately and can never find enough places for things.” Meredith went on. “Perhaps you could help me go through some things while you're here.” They sat together in the smaller breakfast nook that was already set with three place settings and a basket of bread.

Amelia smiled at her friend who had always been better than her own mother to her and she realized how much she had missed seeing her face. “Aunt Mere, you really didn't have to do this. I'm not even sure if I am hungry.”

Meredith searched Amelia's face for a moment, a look of understanding passing between them. Amelia felt the feelings of the last few days creeping up again.

“Why don't you tell me what happened.” Meredith said kindly.

The drive had done much to calm her and she was able to tell the story without tears. Meredith sat in silence, listening carefully to every detail. When Amelia finished, Meredith sat quietly, waiting for more. When Amelia didn't continue, Meredith frowned.

“Isn't there more? So you saw them together. Did you confront them?” Meredith asked.

Amelia shook her head, “I was too angry, and embarrassed. I didn't know what to say! I just couldn't DO anything.”

“So, there they were right in front of you and you didn't just follow them and knock on the door and demand to know it all?” Meredith shook her head defiantly, “I think I would have charged in and showed them what for. What did Jack have to say?”

“I haven't talked with him yet.” Amelia said. “He doesn't know I'm gone.”

“Oh, but he does.” Meredith exclaimed, “I told him you were coming here.”

Amelia paused, nodding her head, “I'm glad. I wondered if you would.” Amelia's curiosity got the better of her, “Did he say anything else?”

Meredith watched her before replying, “Yes, he said to tell you to call when you arrived. He was very concerned for you.” Amelia nodded, wanting to know more but not wanting to ask.

“Did he really sound concerned?” Amelia asked, “I would have thought he would be too busy with Sam to care much about me.”

Meredith gave her a disapproving look, “Amelia, how could you say such a thing. Of course he cares about you. He loves you very much.” Amelia turned away for a moment, the pain fresh in her heart made eye contact difficult.

“I don't know, Mere. I thought he did.” Amelia said sadly.

“Of course he does.” Meredith said, matter-of-factly. “But you have to talk to him about this. These things shouldn't be left to fester.”

Amelia nodded, “I just couldn't do it. I couldn't call.”

Meredith reached for Amelia's hands across the table and squeezed them tightly.

“My dear, you must. You need to talk or this will be worse.” Meredith said directly. Amelia nodded sadly.

“I know.” she said quietly, “I know we need to talk.” she paused looking for the right way to continue. “Mere, it could all be over. It could all just go away.”

“What, dear?” Meredith asked, searching Amelia's face.

Amelia paused for a few moments, feeling the anxiety that had led her to run in the first place rise up to meet her. She pushed it down and let out a sigh, “Us. Jack and me. Us. It could be the end.”

Meredith smiled, comfortingly, “But you don't know that. Not for sure.”

“I know, Mere. Can we talk about this later. I just can't right now,” Amelia sighed again as she pulled a piece of bread on her plate and buttered it, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully. Meredith did the same and one of the kitchen staff that Amelia didn't recognize came to fill their glasses. Meredith realized that it might be wise to continue their conversation later.

“Well, you're here now. No need to worry about anything tonight.” Meredith said, pausing to take Amelia's hand again, “I'll call Jack tonight to let him know you're here. Would that be all right?”

Amelia paused before answering, “Yes, that would be all right. It's too late tonight anyway.”

Meredith smiled and noticed George coming through the dining hall. There would be time enough to get to the bottom of this.

George approached the table with a grin, “I'm starved! Let's eat.”

After an amazing dinner, George and Meredith walked with her to the boathouse to make sure all was well before she turned in for the night. The camp was dark at night so they carried flashlights with them everywhere. There were a few pathways that were lit up but with such a large area and no other guests to speak of the camp was dark. They hugged Amelia goodnight and then Amelia was alone. She looked around the boathouse with wonder. The new leather furnishings looked comfortable and rustic but still felt like home. The fire in the fireplace beckoned her to sit down in front of it. The high wooden walls reminded her of the lodge and the view opened up to the lake. She ascended the stairs to the loft. The feather bed was made up with white duvet and luxurious pillows that were very inviting to her tired body.
She decided to take a quick shower before she went to bed.  She wanted to wash some of the grime of the day away. She could still hear the buzzing of the road in her head and she was anxious to sleep.  After a quick shower she toweled off and reached for one of the white robes to wrap up in. Jack always said the robes at Camp Camilla were the most comfortable he had ever worn. Pulling the robe closely around her she remembered the package that had arrived the first Christmas they were married with a robe for each of them monogrammed with their initials. Jack still wore his often. The thought of Jack pricked her consciousness and she imagined him there with her. The thought made her happy and aching all at once. She had never wanted him to be there more than right now. She needed to talk to him and hear his voice. She could almost see him there with her and she realized what a terrible mistake it was to let this go on further.

She walked over to the phone and dialed their home phone. It rang four times until the message picked up. Amelia hung up the phone and dialed his cell number, hoping that he would answer. She wished she could call from her cell phone so that he would know it was her. He might not recognize the number here. A message came on to say the phone was out of the service area and to try the call again later. It was disappointing not to at least hear his voice message.  Jack traveled quite a bit with his sales job so maybe he was out on a call, she thought, or maybe he was out with Samantha somewhere. The thought hit her hard and she hung up the phone again.

She walked out onto the deck of the boathouse. The sun had gone down hours before but the moon was bright on the water. The night was chilly for June and she was glad she had the robe to keep her warm. She walked out on the deck and sat in the chair overlooking the water. Her thoughts raced as she thought about Jack. She couldn't help but remember their time here in this very spot. She closed her eyes to remember Jack sitting with her, laughing in the sunlight, diving off the end of the deck into the water, canoeing on the lake, riding out to the island. So many great memories together here flooded over her that she felt an overwhelming sadness fill her. If she had wanted to forget Jack, she had come to the wrong place. The island was full of their memories together.

The island had trail lights that were barely visible from her vantage point. She stood and walked to the edge of the deck looking out over the water. The island's lights glimmered in the reflection of the lake. The mist hung placidly over the dark, clear blackness of the water. Through the trees she could barely make out the shape of the cabin. The lights inside the cabin were dim but visible through the trees. It was odd that they were on but it wasn't that unusual.  Amelia was glad to see them shining back at her.  Sometimes the staff forgot to turn them off before leaving or perhaps someone was out cleaning tonight.
Amelia sat on the deck for a long time until she felt too cold. She went back inside and filled the jetted tub with warm water and lit a fire in the bathroom fireplace. Maybe it was overkill to take a bath after a shower and some might think such luxuries seemed out of place in the middle of the woods but for Meredith they were very important. Each of her guest houses were well equipped with jetted tubs and multiple fireplaces. Amelia turned on the jets and allowed her body to relax for the first time that day. She breathed deeply and longingly thought of Jack. Darling Jack when they first met and as they were just two days prior. She wanted him here with her. Wanted all of this to be done with. Wanted her regular life back. Her tired mind labored on with thoughts of him. She got out and dressed quickly in the robe again and climbed under the covers of the freshly made bed. She sunk down into the pillows and fell listlessly into a deep sleep.
***********************************************************************************
As Amelia slumbered in her room, Meredith paced the floor in her apartment in the main lodge.  Jack was supposed to call at 9:30 and it was nearly that now.  She and George were early risers and preferred to sleep early and arise early for their morning walk around the lake.  George had fallen asleep around 9 and his soft snoring rhythmically marked the passage of time.  There was a ring and Meredith immediately picked up the phone.
"Jack?" she asked anxiously.
"Hi, Mere, is she there?" Jack asked, his concern evident in his voice. Meredith was relieved to hear it.
"Yes, she is." Meredith answered.
"Thank goodness, she made it. I've been worried all day." Jack said.  "How is she?"
Meredith paused, "She is okay.  Upset.  Confused."
"I figured that," Jack said earnestly, "What did she say?"
Meredith related the whole story to Jack as Jack sat quietly on the other end.
There was silence for a minute while Jack contemplated what to say next.
"Jack, I hate to ask but what is going on?" Meredith asked, "Carrie told me some about Samantha didn't mention that you were at the hotel with her.  I'd like to know what you were doing there with her and why you didn't tell Amelia any of this."
Jack sighed quietly,"It's a long story, Mere.  It's really complicated.  Just know I never meant to hurt Amelia."
"Do you want my help with this or not?" Meredith asked.
"Of course, I do." Jack replied quickly.
"Then tell me everything and start at the beginning," Meredith said.

Chapter 5

Chapter 5


It was early evening and Meredith Heaton anxiously paced the floors of her office. Amelia would probably be arriving soon and she had done her best to prepare for her arrival. She had sent most of the staff home to rest after a long week of work with a particularly difficult group of families. It was a necessary attribute for a counselor to be a good listener but Meredith had always believed it was even more important to be an eternal optimist. She saw so many successful turnarounds that it made her hopeful and confident that real healing had taken place. She only hoped that she could do the same for Amelia. The amount of love she felt for her girl overwhelmed her for a moment and her concern grew to a frantic level. She wanted so badly to speak with her and ease her mind about what was troubling her. Jack could not give any clarity to what was going on but Meredith had a feeling that there was something that he was not saying. She tried calling Amelia's cell phone again and got her voicemail once again. She thought fondly of the days when Amelia first came to her. The lonely, bright and quiet girl of fourteen was an instant soul sister. Meredith's heart responded to her in a very motherly way from their first meeting. She smiled at the memory of their first meeting.


It all began in the winter of 1999. Meredith and George had planned a benefit to raise funds for the Center at Camp Camilla. Meredith had established a charity with the money that her father had left her to allow families to come for counseling. The Center would cater to people of all backgrounds and the main feature of the Center would be the counseling rooms and of course the island. Her plan was to host events through the year to raise money for travel and expenses for those families that needed their services. It was Meredith's brainchild from the early days of her career to make a legacy for future generations of families. She was on the verge of introducing the idea of the Center to as many of her rich friends as she could gather in one place. To prepare she had rented every available room within driving distance and because of the magnitude of the event everyone in the area was abuzz with the festivities. It would be a celebration to remember. So many people from the towns had been hired to help with all of the preparations that several businesses would be closing down for the week to aid the celebration.


Meredith had heard news of Carolynne Devine's culinary talents and visited her kitchen multiple times to sample Carolynne's skillful creations. Convinced of her superior skills, Meredith wouldn't rest until she agreed to come and take care of the food for the days of celebration. Carolynne finally relented when Meredith explained that her expertise in the kitchen would be experienced by many great people of influence. Carolynne had a desire to grow her own business and perhaps open her own restaurant some day and the prospect of meeting so many influential people was exciting.


Everything had been building up to this time. Meredith and George had worked tirelessly through the previous years, renovating and restoring each of the cabins with updated furniture and bed linens, modernizing the old building with new plumbing and fixtures. They had constructed five new cabins and expanded the boathouse to accommodate larger groups. They also added a conference building with large rooms with views of the water. Meredith's special addition was to redo the barns that had never been used to full capacity for animals with their high ceilings and crosscut beams into large ballrooms for banquets and parties. They added modern kitchen facilities to the barns complete with every convenience of a modern restaurant. They had hired more grounds crew to keep the pathways clean of snow and the main road into the camp plowed and de-iced.


Amelia's job as Carolynne assistant was expanded that year and she became more and more important in the Seasons kitchen. Carolynne asked Meredith if it would all right for Amelia to attend their first planning meeting to take notes for the event. They arrived earlier than Meredith expected and her first glimpse of Amelia was of the quiet girl staring in awe of the countless books that filled the shelves in the main lodge. Meredith encouraged her to look through them all, happy to find a fellow book lover in her midst. Carolynne protested but gave her permission. Meredith's cook at the time had been there for ages and was nearing retirement and Meredith insisted that she show Carolynne around both of the kitchen facilities to make sure that everything was up to her specifications.


Amelia was shy at first but talking about books brought out a spirited discussion. When Amelia explained the reasons she didn't think Wuthering Heights deserved to be a classic, Meredith knew that she had just met her literary match. In the days leading up to the gala Meredith and Amelia became great friends.


Their conversation that day left a mark on Meredith's heart and Amelia's place in it continued to grow. So much had happened to the girl, so much she had already been through. Meredith worried once again about what could have happened that would bring on this trip.


Meredith blew out a breath of frustration, when her phone rang. Meredith dove for it and hurriedly raised the phone to her ear.


“Hello?” Meredith said, quickly hoping that it might be Amelia calling back.


“Meredith?” a familiar voice asked, “It's Carrie, Jack's sister.”


“Hello, Carrie,” Meredith spoke softly with a sigh. She couldn't remember the last time Carrie had called her.


Carrie hesitated, “Meredith, I have some things to explain.”


“Okay.” Meredith answered, her breath tight in her throat.


“You may want to sit down. It is a very long story.” Carrie replied.


***********************************************************************************


Amelia stopped to grab a bite to eat in Albany. The trip was beginning to wear on her but she was so close to home that she couldn't imagine not arriving that evening. She took a bathroom break and bought a sandwich at Subway and took it out to her car to eat. She didn't feel like being around people so she moved her car to a shaded spot in the parking lot and opened the windows to let the breeze blow in.


The seemingly endless hours in the car had been tedious and she was starting to feel guilty about the way she had left Florida. Another call to her work that morning had made her defiant. Her supervisor was rude and Amelia didn't know if she would have a job when she returned. Not that she cared at this point. She was a nurse and nurses could get jobs anywhere. She wasn't even sure if she would return yet. Everything was too confusing.


The guilt came from her memories of Jack and with Jack. The jumble of memories flowed easily. Thoughts of his betrayal were fresh but so were all of their tender moments. The two men she saw in her mind didn't coincide with each other and confused her greatly. The irony of it was the one person that she wanted to call to talk about it was Jack. She had almost stopped the car to call and talk with him but her fear overcame her again and she had fought hard not to do it.


Now that the car was stopped and she was alone in the silence Jack filled her thoughts. She wanted to hear his voice, wanted to roll back the day and not see him with Samantha. She picked up her phone and turned it on. She knew that there would be no cell phone reception at the camp and any messages would be unavailable to her. She knew that he was probably worried about her. He was probably wondering where she was.


After a few minutes of internal debate she finally called to get her messages. The mechanical female voice announced that there were five messages waiting for her. Her anxiety rose as she pushed the 1 key to hear her messages. Her heart melted at the sound of Jack's voice.


The first was from Jack from around noon the day before.


Amelia? Hey, I'm coming home in a little bit. Will you carve out a little time for dinner tonight? I'll throw something together for dinner. I'm going home early from work. I have something we really need to discuss, okay? Call when you get this, Thanks. Bye.


The second message was from Meredith. Her voice was full of concern.


Amelia, call me when you get this. I called Jack and told him you were coming here and he seemed surprised. What is going on? I want to help.


The next message was from Carrie.


Hi, sweetie. I heard from Jack and know you are traveling. Please come home. Please remember I love you and Jack loves you too. Call me, bye


Message number four made the tears flow.


Amelia, where are you? I talked to Meredith and she told me you were leaving to visit her. What is going on? Why did you leave? I really need to talk to you. I can't believe that you just left. I've been so worried. We need to talk.


I need to explain about Sam. I don't know how you know but let's talk okay? I just want to know if you're all right.


Call me.


The hurt in Jack's voice was genuine but as Amelia hung up the phone she wondered at his insistence to talk. There was one more message and she could see that it was from Jack but she didn't want to listen to it. In both messages from Jack there were no reassurances of his love. No explanation for why he was with Sam. No explanations why she was there in the first place. It was too much. She wanted to talk to Jack but the fear of losing him rose up again.


She powered off her phone, leaving the final message unheard. She didn't feel like she could deal with any of it. Maybe after a few days, she thought but not right now. There was too much. There was so much to lose. So much that she didn't want to think about. In her mind's eye she watched her father walk out the door when she was four. She saw her mother crying for him to stay and the pain that was so apparent in her face, the pain that had never quite left her face in all that time. Until the day he finally came back.


Amelia pushed back on the thoughts that invaded her mind but they flowed in unrelenting anyway. Pictures of her parent's reunion filled her mind, flowing through her with abandon. Her mother had been so happy when her father came that day. Jed Raddington came riding into their lives that day and changed it forever. Amelia could see the attraction physically. His face was handsome but beyond that her interest in him was baffling. Amelia admitted to herself early on that she was wary of him. Her experiences with other men in her mother's life had taught many important lessons about relationships. Lessons her own mother seemed to repeat on a yearly basis. Lesson number one, don't trust a man just because he's there.


Her mother had explained his faults to her enough times to be unconvinced with his sincerity. He had a strut, the air of a confidence man out for a score and the smile he had for Amelia was more of a leer until her mother explained her parentage to him. He spoke with a fake drawl that came out of his mouth as slick as anything. He had a terrible mouth filling his sentences with all sorts of curse words that would put a sailor to shame. His reaction to Amelia was aloof not really acknowledging her presence one minute and talking too closely with familiarity the next.  It was always worse when he had been drinking.  Then it went from creepy to uncomfortable. It surprised Amelia to this day that such a con man could be her father and the utter lack of interest that he had in his daughter. It wasn't yet apparent that he would leave nothing but destruction in his wake. But it was the day everything in her life rapidly changed.


Within days Jed was living with them in their tiny apartment. Her mother kicked her out of the bedroom that first night and told her to spend the night a Carolynne's. The hurt inflicted by that rejection numbed her to her core. Carolynne was accommodating and sympathetic. It was summertime and Carolynne was transitioning between her job at Seasons and her new position at the Center with Meredith. After the smashing success of the gala event, Meredith offered Carolynne a full-time position at the center to serve not only as their event food specialist but to replace the retiring cook of Camp Camilla. By fall Carolynne would be living full-time on site in her own cabin. When Amelia had come to Carolynne she offered to let Amelia live in her spare room until her father left the house.


That summer was difficult because every interaction with her mother turned into a shouting match. It was mostly her mother that did the shouting, insisting that Amelia not ruin this for her.  Amelia tried to reason with her, trying to convince her mother that Jed was bad news. Anna fought back, telling Amelia that she didn't have any business telling her what to do and that she couldn't be happier now that Jed was back in her life. Amelia was back and forth between the couch in the front room at her mother's and the spare room at Carolynne's until the night that ended everything.


It was around nine o'clock and her mother was out with friends. Amelia had fallen asleep on the couch while watching television when Jed came stumbling into the room. She woke to him grabbing at her clothes and she only just managed to wake up enough to realize what he was doing and get away. She still shuddered to think what he would have done to her if she had not woken in time. He came at her yelling and cursing for her to just sit down and chill. He caught her arm at one point and tried to pull her into the bedroom with him. She managed to get him off balance enough to get out of his grip and tried to get the front door open but he blocked her way out. He was leering at her and saying the terrible things he would do if she didn't stop. He took some swipes at her and struck her in the head and ribs.  He had hit her clumsily scratching her cheek and making it bleed. She could only think of getting away. She surprised him by not going for the front door but turning around to the bedroom and locking the door. Her face and body ached but she managed to open the window before he could find the key to unlock the door. That night she ran away and never looked back.


On that difficult day, Carolynne wasn't home and she was worried that Jed would come after her so Amelia walked eight miles toward Camp Camilla before she met Meredith and George on the road. They were on their way home from an event in town but when they saw Amelia and the state she was in they took her to their cabin to take care of her. George was the resident doctor on site and patched up Amelia's cut. Amelia was always at Camp Camilla because Carolynne insisted she come and Meredith and George made the decision to watch over her.  Amelia even liked George, Meredith's soft spoken, gentle husband. He was quiet but kind and they had an easy way together. He let Amelia come to him on her terms and it went a long way to sealing their friendship.


When they saw her injuries and heard her story they called the police and had them arrest Jed. The injuries he had inflicted were documented and recorded. The court awarded Meredith temporary custody of Amelia. Anna bailed Jed out of jail and was outraged by the court's decision. She called Meredith and demanded that Amelia come home. She accused Meredith of stealing her daughter away and threatened a lawsuit. Meredith quietly informed Anna that she was welcome to visit her daughter alone but that Jed would never be welcome on her property. Anna did not call again or visit that entire summer.


That summer was difficult.  Amelia healed physically but struggled with the choice her mother had made to stay with Jed.  She was young but she understood the wrongness of a mother abandoning her child for anyone.  It was hard to take in.  Luckily, Meredith, George and Carolynne took her under their collective wing even working some sessions with another counselor at the Center. 


Carolynne was the first to take notice of her and treat her kindly and she would always love her for it but Meredith was the first adult in her life that treated her like an intellectual equal. Meredith seemed easy with the world and she understood people in a way that impressed Amelia greatly. She had a measure of compassion and practicality about people that was really startling. She had finally found adults that acted like she had always imagined they should and it made her feel more at ease than she had been in her entire life. As much as she appreciated Carolynne for all she had done for her in getting her away from home, her friendship with Meredith had an air of equality that was empowering. She would always love Carolynne for all she had done for her and she was grateful that through her she met her new family. George and Meredith offered her a room in their home for as long as she wanted one.


It wasn't until the fall that Anna called again. Jed had left to travel for a few weeks and she was alone. She called to talk to Amelia but ended up trying to defend Jed. Amelia didn't have much to say after that and refused to speak with her mother. The fall turned into winter and without the constraints on her time and the freedom of Camp Camilla, Amelia thrived. She gained a healthy amount of weight and her thin frame rounded out nicely. She lived life with an ease that had always eluded her in the past and she was grateful every day for it.


In May she turned fifteen and worked with Carolynne in the kitchen at Camp Camilla. The newly opened Center was thriving and busy. Families and people from all over the country came to be counseled by Meredith and her capable staff. It was a great success and Amelia felt safe and at home for maybe the first time in her entire life. She was given responsibility over the vegetable gardens and watching out for the aging Camilla.  She spent many days in the libraries and could often be found sitting by the lake with a book in hand.


Later that summer her mother called to ask for a visit. Amelia agreed to meet her at a diner in town for lunch. George sat in the car to wait for her and make sure that things were all right. The conversation that would change her life was moments away and Amelia sensed that she should prepare herself.


“Amelia, you know that Jed has been here with me for this year and he's real sorry about upsetting you. He'd like to try again.” she said in her kindest, motherly voice. “Now you know he's real sorry and won't be a bother again.”


Amelia shuddered at the memory. She couldn't believe her mother would suggest it much less defend him when he was so clearly in the wrong.  Despite the strong feeling of protectiveness she felt for her mom returning to her mother with Jed there was unthinkable.


Amelia remained silent. She watched the front door, planning her escape. Her mother continued to speak.


“Amelia, you're not thinking right. We were happy weren't we? And now your daddy's come home. I've waited so long and now he's here and wants us to be a family.”


Amelia watched her mother, her anger bubbling up quickly. The heart and flowers description of him was nauseating. She could feel the disgust that must have been clear on her face. Her mother looked back at her with surprise and frustration.  Amelia's words came out with a force that she didn't know she could speak with.


“How can you defend him!?" she raged at the top of her voice,"He hit me! He hurt me! He ripped my clothes.  He was trying to..." she paused as shock appeared on her mother's face,"Who knows what would have happened if I hadn't gotten away? If you think I'm ever coming back to you while he is there, you're crazy.” Her mother was pale when she looked back at Amelia and she knew that some of what she said was new information. Apparently Jed hadn't told her everything about that night after all.


She was seething when she turned to head out the front door until she saw Jed's familiar figure in front of the door. Anxiety filled her as she realized it was her only way out. Jed started toward them and smiled at them both. Amelia glared at them both trying to find a way around Jed's imposing figure. Jed sat down with Anna and smiled up at Amelia with all the innocence of a child. The disgust she felt for him was overwhelming.


“Sit down, Amelia. You're making a scene.” Anna said calmly. Amelia sat in her chair and tried to figure out how to signal George. She couldn't see his car from where she was sitting. She wanted to leave.  She wondered if she would be quick enough to get away from Jed when he was sober. She sincerely doubted it.


Jeb's smile turned into a sneer as he slung an arm around Anna's shoulders. Amelia's gut twisted as she looked at him.


“Did you tell her the good news, yet?” Jeb asked watching Amelia's face.


“News?” Amelia asked a feeling of dread sweeping over her.


Anna smiled up at Jed with a sickeningly sweet smile. “Yes, hon. I wasn't going to say anything but we're expected again! You're going to be a sister!” Amelia sat in shock, stunned by the news. Jed smirked at the look on her face.


Amelia stood up to leave and Jed followed her motions.


“Sit back down now, and be polite. Your mother's not done talking.” Jed threatened.  He was imposing and Amelia looked around again for a way out but sat down.


Anna waited for her to sit and then continued, “Amelia, we're leaving to live near Jed's brother in Montana. He has a cabin we can stay in and your dad will get a job building houses. There's a school not too far and you can finish up high school there.”


Amelia looked at her blankly, “I already told you that I won't be with you until Jed leaves.”


Jed's face turned red and he spoke through clenched teeth, “I'm not going nowhere, girl, so you better get used to it. I'll show you a thing or two about talking back to your mother.”


He made a move toward Amelia and she got up out of her seat and backed into the corner. She tried to look for a way around him but there didn't seem to be a path.


“Amelia?” a strong and firm voice said from behind Jed. Jed turned to see George standing steadily behind him. George was not a big man but he stood tall and strong with a look rivaling outrage on his face. George walked around Jed and took Amelia around the shoulders protectively. Jed watched this menacingly but didn't speak.


“I'm sorry I was late.” he said softly keeping Amelia away from Jed as he eased her through the narrow space to head toward the door.


“It's okay, Uncle George,”Amelia said with relief.


Making sure that Amelia was safely out of reach, George moved to get around Jed with determination. Jed was outraged that George was taking charge.


“Hey, that's my daughter not yours and we're not done here.” he said with a scowl. Moving forward quickly and grabbing hold of Amelia by the arm.


What happened next happened so fast that Amelia couldn't quite believe it. George pulled Jed's hand off of Amelia and in three skillful well placed moves to his jaw, chest and knees Jed fell to the ground in pain. George stood over Jed in a fight stance and then straightened up into his regular posture and took Amelia's hand.


“You dare lay your hands on a woman again and you'll have me to deal with.” George said defiantly. He turned to Anna and said quietly, "You have a job with us if you will leave with us.  Your daughter needs you."


Anna stared at George for a moment then rushed forward to aid Jed, not looking back as George led Amelia out to the car and home to Camp Camilla. Sadly, that was the last time Amelia saw her mother alive.


She didn't hear from her mother until she was nineteen. They spoke on the phone only briefly. She was in trouble with Jed and wanted to come and stay with Amelia. Amelia had just started college and had no where for her to stay. Jed had abused her for years and she had lost the baby that she was carrying. She was back to staying with friends in Minnesota. She pleaded for Amelia to give her a second chance and apologized for letting Jed take control. Amelia agreed to visit her that summer. They left the call on good terms and Amelia was hopeful for a reconciliation that summer.


A few months later, Meredith received the call from a hospital in Minnesota where Jed had left her after a particularly brutal beating. Meredith and Amelia flew to see her but they were too late. She died shortly after that, dying of her injuries in a Minnesota hospital. Amelia mourned her loss greatly but Meredith stayed on with her for a long time.  Jed was on the run for a while but was finally caught and put in jail for her death.


That time was very difficult for Amelia.  She missed her mother more than ever.  Anna was cremated and Amelia took her remains to Camp Camilla and scattered her ashes into the lake. Her mother had always loved the water.


The years had passed and the memories of the horror of that time had faded but as Amelia's thoughts turned back to Jack she realized it was part of the fear that gripped her now. Life had turned on a dime too many times for her to not panic at this new development. Their life had been so happy. Until yesterday. She knew better than anyone the way that events could rush forward, seemingly unstoppable.


No, she thought to herself, I've had my world crash in on me before. If it is going to crash, I want to be prepared for it. I can't think of dealing with it otherwise.


Her thoughts had been so extensive that she hadn't realized how close she was to home. She sighed in contentment when she stopped at the gate that barred the way in to Camp Camilla and entered the code for the gate to open. As she drove down the road, the peace that had eluded her fell silently over her a small smile forming on her lips and she knew that she was almost home.

Island of Discussion - Chapter 4

It was after one o'clock in the morning when Amelia stopped at a motel on the outskirts of Richmond, Virginia to sleep.  She had stopped only for gas and bathroom breaks in eight hours and after a busy morning at work she was forced to stop and sleep.  She got her suitcase after she paid for her room, and climbed the stairs to her room.  Once inside, she locked her door and immediately went to the bed.  She pulled off her pants, turned off the light and crawled into the bed.  She fell swiftly into a deep sleep.
A semi-truck's engine roared to life right outside the door and she was instantly awake.  She eased up stiffly to look at the bedside clock.  It was after nine in the morning.  She sighed and hugged the pillow securely to her head.  She had slept so well but with clarity of mind she remembered why she was laying in a motel room and she tried to drive the images of Jack and Samantha out of her mind.  No such luck, she thought in frustration.  She sighed, resigned to the ache that formed in her heart and she realized what she wanted.  She wanted Jack. Jack could always make her feel better. Her heart ached to think that might all be over now and she rolled out of bed to get moving. 
She quickly showered and changed clothes and straightened up the bed.  She repacked her bag and was ready to go.  The last thing she picked up was her phone on the night stand.  She had not turned it on since she had called work on one of the bathroom breaks that she had taken the day before.  There were waiting messages on her phone from Jack and Meredith and Carrie but she couldn't deal with them right now.  She was sure that the minute she heard Jack's voice she would want to talk to him.  She wasn't ready to face that moment yet. 
For once she didn't worry about work. She wasn't even sure she still wanted to work in her current position.  Her supervisor had been angry that she had left so suddenly and threatened to fire her if she didn't return but Amelia had managed to convince her that she was in an emergency situation. Could there be a bigger emergency than this? Amelia thought, woefully.  She had ended her conversation with her supervisor with a promise to return as soon as things were resolved and that she would keep in contact once she got to Camp Camilla.  The supervisor still wasn't happy but Amelia was past caring being considerate to a woman who showed no consideration for her.
After her miscarriage being in the Mother and Baby Unit was difficult for her.  It felt like a cruel irony to be surrounded by babies and mothers all day long.  She did miss her co-workers on the floor.  They always had such fun together.  The only available opening had been on the recovery floor in the main part of the hospital and her new supervisor had made her work life unbearable.  She was constantly on her about the time that she spent talking with patients claiming it made her less efficient than the other nurses on the floor though she finished her paperwork and other charting just as quickly as the others.  She had plenty of sick days and vacation days that she had never used. She had put in so many long hours at her job for years and hardly ever took vacation so she had at least three weeks coming her way. It would be good to get away from the stress and the physical toll of daily nursing duties. 
The hospital also reminded her of her loss.  The first nine weeks of the pregnancy had gone so well she was not concerned about spreading the word of their first child to everyone she talked to.  They had waited so long and gone through so many treatments that she had stupidly shared it with everyone on the floor and every patient she saw.  In some ways she knew better than to do it but her excitement at the prospect of a new baby was too much to contain.  In the 10th week she had started bleeding while she was at work which prompted her visit to her doctor.  She went to her doctor on her lunch break and it was there that she had the ultrasound that confirmed that the baby's heart had stopped. Through tears she called Jack to come and be with her and the doctor performed a D&C later that afternoon when the bleeding did not stop. 
She slipped her phone into her pocket and scanned the room for anything she might have left and then headed out the door and to her waiting car. The messages would have to wait until she could get to the right place in her mind.  She pushed the longing in her to hear her husband's voice away and carried her luggage to her car and headed out on the road once more. 
The road through Richmond was busy but traffic moved well.  She hadn't been on this road for a number of years and she noted the beauty around her as she drove through Virginia. She used to despise road trips mostly because she and her mother had moved around so frequently when she was young.  Her thoughts turned to Meredith and the happy memories of Lake Camilla.  Memories of her early days there were sad ones but also marked the first stable home she had ever experienced.  They were among the first people to show her all encompassing, life changing, unconditional love. 
Her feelings for her mother, Anna, were still complicated.  There were many things left unsaid between them.  Not that she had ever had much of an opportunity to speak with her.  After years of therapy she had come to realize that her mother had loved her the way she knew how to love.  She loved her with the maturity of a sixteen-year-old single mom.  After her experiences with friends and especially with Meredith and Jack she knew for ceratin that her mother didn't know the first thing about what it meant to really love someone.  Her mother's father had kicked them out when she told him she was pregnant. Her mother lived with her boyfriend who made Anna very uncomfortable and with no other stable family of her own she moved in with a steady stream of friends and boyfriends throughout Amelia's childhood.  Amelia's life was very unstable until she started school.  Her mother made sure she was enrolled wherever they were living from the time she could qualify for preschool.  Education was the one thing that her mother approved of.  In her adulthood she wondered if it was the schooling or the free child care for six hours a day that was more attractive to her.  School didn't stop her from taking Amelia in and out of schools and through countless relationships and living situations but it gave Amelia a place to be and a place to belong for the majority of the year.
Seven states and many moves later they landed in Upstate New York where her mother was a housekeeper at Seasons Bed and Breakfast in Raquette Lake in the Adirondacks.  She had just broken up with her latest boyfriend and had decided to swear off men and get her GED.  A friend of a friend was a housekeeper there and got Anna a job there also. It was the first full-time job that Anna had had and the pay was enough for their basic needs.  The best perk was that it also offered an apartment of their own. 
The apartment was small and consisted only of a living room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom.  There was a foldout bed in the living room that her mother slept on and she let Amelia have the bedroom to herself. For Amelia, who had no experience with a space to call her own, it was heaven on earth. Amelia did her best to keep the whole house very clean.  It was ironic that a housekeeper would have such messy habits but Amelia didn't mind tidying up.  It was the first place she that felt like home instead of borrowed space.  Amelia spent a lot of time alone in her room because her mother would be out with friends most evenings.  It was very comfortable and quiet and after years of never having her own space, the solitude was refreshing.
At first her mother bought groceries and attempted to prepare meals for them but as she got busier with friends and leaving at night to party she would sometimes forget to go shopping and would get annoyed when Amelia would mention it.  There never seemed to be enough money coming in according to her mother so Amelia ate what she could and did her best to keep fed.  She went hungry for many nights in a row.
Raquette Lake is a tourist town, busy during the summer months but slower in the winter and the people knew each other well. Her teacher at school noticed that she ate with gusto at lunchtime.  Most of the kids barely finished their food but Amelia would carefully eat every morsel of food on her plate and sometimes look longingly at the food that others brought with them.  She wasn't one to complain but she started getting headaches in the afternoon and after much coaxing she told the school nurse about not having much to eat at home. The nurse called home and her mother was defiant, yelling that she got plenty to eat and that she just liked to complain. The nurse found out where she was living and secretly arranged a raise for Amelia's mother to include meals for Amelia and her mother to ensure that she was properly fed.
It was a relief for them both. Her mother had never been good at things like sitting down for meals so from that time on Amelia ate in the kitchen at the B&B for every meal.  Her mother would join her on Sundays and occasionally for dinner during the week but even then she ate like a bird and complained about the food.  It was ironic because the cook at Seasons was well known for her prowess in the kitchen. Her name was Carolynne Devine and she took a shine to Amelia right away and made it her business to ensure that she had three square meals for the first time in her life. Carolynne was known all over the Northeast for her delicious food and Amelia couldn't help but love it, too.  She ate everything she made for her without complaint.  She was a lovely woman with great skill and was so kind and loved to talk so much that Amelia had to say very little. Amelia had never been apt to speak much as a child and had grown quieter still the older she grew, especially around her mother.  She loved to listen to Carolynne's stories and they both benefited from the other's company.  She had her favorite saying painted in large scripted letters across the main wall of her kitchen.  It read:
Well-fed hearts and stomachs = JOY
Words to live by.
The winters could be harsh at times but it was nothing a cozy fire in the kitchen couldn't fix and that first winter she spent a great deal of time at a little table in the kitchen with Carolynne.  Amelia was shy at first but gradually started telling Carolynne about her day at school and the books she was reading.  Amelia loved to read.  She didn't have many friends at school, preferring to spend her lunchtime in the library.  There was one boy she sat with sometimes but they rarely talked.  Over the years she had forgotten even the boy's first name. 
Part of the problem was that she didn't really like what other 14-year-old girls were interested in and discussing it with other girls got her strange looks and whispers.  They teased her for not wanting to talk about boys. The way Anna talked about her father and her boy craziness in high school made Amelia want to stay away from boys even more.  She had seen Anna in enough screwed up situations with men. It wasn't that she didn't find boys attractive but she had no desire to date one. She had enough to worry about thinking that they could be leaving town anyday.
She loved science, nature and literature and read her way through everything she could put her hands on.  Her mother frequently asked her about her friends and if there were any boys she liked. She also made fun of her for reading so much but Amelia tried her best to ignore it. Her mother's behavior was growing more erratic and Amelia didn't like the way she spoke sometimes.  She made offcolor remarks about boys and it embarrassed her to the point of tears when Anna would call out to them on the street when they were together shopping.  At 14, she felt older and more mature than her mother and it was exhausting. She hoped that they would stay in Raquette Lake and she was afraid every day that Anna would come in and tell her that she was ready to move on. 
When summer came Amelia was enlisted to help with all of the cooking and baking.  Carolynne gave her an apron and set her to as many tasks as she could find for her.  She taught her how to make the perfect pie crust, knead and separate the perfect bread and rolls and many delicious dishes.  It was the first time she had any kind of cooking instruction and she took to it like a duck to water. She learned to make so many things that she decided to cook a meal at home. She was disappointed when her mother didn't like it and complained that the ingredients cost so much to buy even though Amelia had used her own money to pay for it.
She wasn't old enough to work at the B&B officially but with her mother's permission, Carolynne started a small fund for her and added to it generously throughout the summer out of her own pay.  At the end of the summer, Carolynne took Amelia on a trip to Utica to buy new school clothes and shoes.  She also got her first real haircut.  A simple layered bob that complimented her thin face.  It was the first time that she looked in the mirror and liked what was there.  Carolynne told her she was beautiful and for the first time she realized that it might be true.  She looked like her mother who she knew was beautiful.  She was still very skinny with knobby knees and elbows and stood awkwardly in front of the mirror but the new clothes fit her well and accentuated all of her best features.  Carolynne couldn't stop talking about her new look, so impressed with the change that she made her sit for some pictures with her at the photo booth in the mall in Utica.  Amelia still kept those pictures in her journal to remind her of those days.
Amelia loved her new things.  They were the first new clothes that she could remember.  They actually fit her frame.  She was growing fast and up until that year she had been able to wear her mother's hand-me-downs. But her clothes were worn and all of her pants were too short. She was able to cut some of them off for the summer but she was grateful to have these new things.  Her mother liked the new clothes but complained there was not enough money for her to buy anything new. She asked Amelia if she had any money left. Amelia gave her all that she had left but there were never any new clothes.
Life was looking better and it was only the start of the changes that were about to come.  Remembering those day during the drive in the present day that took her steadily north toward home her mind turned to Meredith and the island.  The nurse at school and Carolynne were two of the first kind strangers that had entered her life but they were definitely not the last.  Remembering those times now gave her a homesickness that she hadn't felt in a very long time and she sighed aloud, impatient to return to her favorite place on earth and the people she loved so much.